Touch Me
by Kizmet The Khaleesi
Summary: Edward always longed to touch Bella Swan but who knew touching her body would touch his heart?  He teaches her lessons about sex but more than that, he teaches her a lesson about what true love really is. M  E
1. Chapter 1

**A/n depending on reviews, this is either a one shot or chapter 1**

Touch Me

Chapter 1

Look

The game had begun. All the girls sitting at the table had their number. Rose number 1, Alice number 2. Bella number 3. Leah number 4. Lauren number 5. Jessica number 6.

I rolled the die and prayed for number 3.

If there was anyone I wanted standing naked and forbidden to speak, move or touch, it was Bella Swan.

I made a show of pretending I wanted Jess to win, winking at her and raising my eyebrows suggestively at her. She is my official girlfriend and all, but I think we all knew, if I ever had the opportunity to own Bella, I would forget every other girl in the world existed.

"Edward wins ......Number 3. Bellaaaa" announced Emmett, earning a glare from Rose for the way he said the name.

I stood and she stood and faced me.

"You know the rules? Ten minutes in Edward's room, you have to be completely naked and he doesn't get to touch, only look. If he breaks the rule, leave." Jasper warned her.

This was Bella's first time attending one of our parties, so she was new to our games.

I led the way upstairs and as we climbed higher, we heard the bellow of delight as Emmett won Rosalie Hale for ten minutes of nude observation in his bedroom. I knew he had already set up his hidden video camera just in case this ever happened. He had always ended up with Lauren or Jess . Weirdly, Jasper had won Alice every single game, ever. I don't know how that happened but neither looked too upset about it.

Tanya Denali used to be our sixth girl player but she had moved to Alaska, something I was glad about. She had regularly offered money to whoever won her, for them to exchange her for whoever I won and if there was one girl I had no desire to see naked, it was Tanya. Her enormous fake tits looked ridiculous in clothes, who wants to see those hard, unyielding mounds bare?

As we approached my third floor bedroom door, we heard Jess shriek in mock annoyance as Mike Newton won her and was heading for the lower floor guest bedroom. Me thinks the girl doth protest too much.

I have seen the way Jess looks at Newton and smiles at him when she thinks I don't see.

However, I didn't care who was ogling my girlfriend tonight because I won Bella Swan.

She glanced at me through her curtain of brown hair and blushed madly.

I shut and locked the door behind us and sat on my bed,my back pressing against the headboard, and watched her stand nervously in front of me.

"You know you have the option of undressing in my bathroom if you prefer" I told her, then immediately wondered why the fuck I had pointed that out to her. I wanted to see her strip.

She bit her bottom lip and I almost exploded in my jeans. This woman has no idea how she affects me.

She thought for a minute then shrugged.

"No point, you are about to see me naked, why hide the reveal?"

Why indeed.

Slowly she turned to face away from me and I was about to protest when she looked over her shoulder and purred at me.

My God. I wanted to see this.

She slowly let her lightweight jacket fall from her shoulders and dip down to her waist then she slowly slid out one arm, then the other.

I sighed and tried to adjust myself without being obvious.

It's just a jacket, Edward. You have seen her take her jacket off every time she visits your sister Alice.

That had never made me hard before and it did now.

The grey peacoat hit the floor and she stepped away from it and looked over her opposite shoulder and slowly peeled her long sleeved Tshirt off, one sleeve, the other, up over her head.

Her purple lace bra was barely worth wearing. It was tiny and completely see through and her pink nipples peeped at me and made my dick twitch.

She spun around and grabbed my chair from beside my desk and stood facing it, away from me, as she raised one leg to place it on the seat and peeled one stocking down her fabulous leg, rolling the thin nylon as she went.

Fuck.

Was I breathing? My heart pounded in my chest, so, yes, I was alive.

My eyes widened as she placed the other leg up for its turn and slowly the second stocking rolled down and away, to be tossed onto the floor.

I was having serious issues now, I wondered if I could discretely fix my problem right here without freaking her out. There were no rules preventing me touching myself and I had never wanted to so much before.

I settled for slowly rubbing the heel of my hand up and down the rock hard bulge in my jeans.

She turned the chair to face me and her eyes were watching my hand as I tried to ease the tension before my dick imploded. Her lips twitched into a smirk, and I blushed at knowing she knew exactly the effect she had on me.

She caught my eyes and kept eye contact as she reached behind herself and undid her bra and slowly dropped it down her arms.

Her perky round breasts stood there, soft and tempting, making me want to move closer and lick them into submission. They looked delicious, I could almost imagine the flavor of her skin as my mouth watered and I loudly swallowed the excess saliva I was producing. She placed a hand on each breast and pushed them close together, bunching them up, and making me moan a little. She loosened her hold and pointed a finger at me then turned it on herself, drawing a wide circle around her nipple. The circle got smaller and smaller until she was almost grazed her cherry pink buds. She teased and rolled each nipple with her thumb and first finger as she licked her tongue out at me, wetting her wide, lucious lips.

All she wore now was the short denim skirt and her panties, which I couldn't wait to see.

Skirt off, I chanted silently in my head.

Instead, she reached her hands down to her knees and rested them there as she looked up at me and smiled, in a sexy and seductive way.

Shit. Virgin Swan was her nickname amongst us boys at college, we may be very wrong about how suitable that name is.

She slid her hands up her thighs, inside her skirt and lifted the denim fabric high to her waist, giving me a view of the matching purple see through panties.

I coughed so I wouldn't choke, as she hooked a finger in each side and pulled them down her legs, until they hit the floor and she gracefully stepped out and kicked them aside. I watched where they landed and hoped she would not be able to find them later because I wanted to keep them, safe and warm under my pillow.

She sat down backwards on my chair and with her legs opened so widely, I had a clear view of her sweet folds and I wished her lower lips would bloom open like a flower and reveal what lay within. She leaned backwards and pushed her sex closer towards me and I felt myself slide my zip quickly down and free my erection before it killed me.

I made a move to stand and go to the bathroom to attend to my needs but she winked at me and mouthed a single word.

"Stay."

Shit.

I stayed.

I palmed my dick and watched her slide back and forth on the chair and then she placed a single finger in her mouth and slid it in and out, between her pouting lips. Her eyes looked deep into mine and I frantically sought relief and fell back when it happened, spurting into my ready and waiting cupped hand. Thank God, I had feared I would explode or something worse.

I quickly visited the bathroom then returned in time to see Bella slipping out of her skirt.

It fell to the floor and left her completely nude.

She stood still and watched me watch her.

I walked to her side and kept about six inches between us, slowly circling her statue like body and softly breathing her in. Her scent was delicious and filled my nose. Reluctantly I looked at the clock and noted the time. My ten minutes start now.

BELLA'S POV

Edward walked around me silently, and my skin goosepimpled as he let out a cool breath on my flesh at my throat. He made no attempt to touch me, in fact he kept a definite distance between us and just agonizingly slowly walked around me as I stood tall and straight and very still.

When he stood directly in front of me, he ghosted his tongue out so it missed licking my nipple by the merest sliver of space. I longed to lean forward, just that fraction and allow his warm pink tongue to touch me and just the thought made my nipple pebbled to attention. He did the breathing thing again, softly blowing his breath over the surface and I felt instantly damp between my legs.

God damn it. I cannot move and cannot touch, cannot even relieve myself of this tension, like he did.

He circled me slowly and I lost sight of him as he moved behind me but my body was ultra alert to exactly where he was and I felt a flow of almost electricity between us when he came close enough. It was like sparks, jumping from him to me, bridging the gap between our bodies.

He smirked as my eyes widened.

"You feel that too, don't you Isabella? Your body wants my body. Its trying to connect, trying to force us to stop playing and start doing."

I repressed the urge to answer him, I would probably merely moan anyway, I don't think I was capable of clear speech at this moment.

"Bella, Bella, Beautiful Bella." he murmured in my ear.

I goosefleshed again and shivering involuntarily.

"Bella wants me, Bella needs me to touch her. Bella wants to feel me inside her, rocking us together, taking us to Paradise" he whispered.

He was behind me again and I waited for the chill of his exhaled air again.

He leaned low and crouched level with my belly.

"Look at that, Bella is bare. Bella has waxed and left herself all smooth and clean for someone to taste her."

"What do you wish I was doing to you, Beautiful Bella?"

"Do you wish I had my very long talented fingers stroking your skin? Where would I begin? Your feet? Then up your incredibly long legs, and where would they end up then? Its kind of a dead end there, inside your thighs. Nothing there at all, is there, Bella?"

"Open your legs for me and let me see."

I moved my legs apart a little, only allowed to move when he ordered me to.

"Oh I was wrong, not a dead end at all. A soft and warm and wet place that is waiting for something. What is it waiting for, Beautiful Bella? Is it waiting to be filled? Does it want something inside it? Or does it just want to feel my mouth, as my tongue licks and plunges and cleans it out? Well, what does it want?"

I breathed in deeply, trying to control my urge to scream at him to just do it, take me, lick me, fuck me, I want it all. But I wasn't allowed to speak.

Edward stood in front of me and started to palm his bulging pants.

"Look what you do to me..can you see how hard I am? What a waste, Bella. It's all there for you, but you can't have it. Does that make you sad? Does that make you want to be happy and satisfied?'

He lowered his zip slowly and allowed his erection free.

I licked my lips without thinking but of course, he noticed.

"Naughty Bella. She should be punished. Did Bella lick her lips so I would have to spank her? Does Bella like to be spanked? I think she does. I think Bella likes being spanked on her pretty little tushie and on her pussy, maybe? Does Bella like a little pleasure and pain together?"

"Maybe Bella likes her nipples nipped and sucked and licked? Would Bella like that? I'm not sure. They are so pink and pretty and hard when they stand out like that. I think Bella needs some very special touching."

He slowly drew his hand up and down his erection and I watched, fascinated.

He was very hard and long and bigger than I had imagined, and believe me, I had often imagined Edward naked, but he was usually above me, waiting to plow inside me. I never imagined this, him looking and me and bringing me to the brink with words.

And touching himself. It turned me on incredibly, seeing his hand slide and swirl where I wished my hands were.

I licked my lips again and blushed at the images I was seeing in my head.

"Does Bella want to taste me? Would Bella think I tasted delicious? I think Bella would taste so delicious.I want to taste Bella and move inside Bella with my tongue and with my dick. It likes Bella. See how it twitches. See how it loves being near Bella?"

He stroked harder and I watched him sigh and spurt through his orgasm and still I stood there, panting inside.

A sharp knock sounded on his door.

"Times up, surely you two. What, did it take her half an hour to even get her clothes off? Out now, or I kick the door in. And Jess is in a really horny mood, Edward. You better have saved your hard on for her."

I grabbed my clothes, ran into his bathroom and pulled them on. Darn, I didn't have my underwear but I wasn't going back out there to look for it.

When I was fully clothed, I opened the bathroom door and headed for his bedroom door.

Edward was sitting on his bed, dressed in just a pair of pale blue,artfully ripped, holey faded denim jeans.

Talk about sex on legs.

"Thank you for that, Bella. It was very exciting and most satisfying..I am sure Jess will thank you tomorrow as well.

The thought of that brainless skank benefiting from our time together, annoyed me completely, and I stomped own the stairs.

Emmett was standing at the open front door.

"Glad you came here tonight. Bella. See you next week?"

I smiled a very fake smile at him and raced for my car.

To my surprise, Jessica Stanley was in the back seat of Mike Newton's car with him.

Ha.

Looks like Edward dips out too, I thought with glee.

I tapped on the roof and glared at their two startled faces.

I looked back at the house, wondering if Edward knew his girlfriend was fucking Mike.

Edward leaned against the front door and waved something at me. Something small and purple and lacy.

Shit.

So much for my one matching bra and panties set.

He twirled them above his head as he strolled over to Newton's car.

"Mike, get a room. At least take her home and fuck her at her place. Or your place. Not in my front driveway. I have neighbors, you know."

So, it appeared he was completely not bothered.

Maybe he shared her around.

What would I know?

I climbed inside my trusty truck and headed for home and sanity.

Edward called something after me.

I think he said something about my window.

I glanced at it, it was fine, open, what was he saying?

On arriving home, I climbed into my shower and scrubbed my body roughly, trying to remove some of the tension.

Rubbing myself dry with a towel, I entered my bedroom and slipped into bed.

God, I was on fire, and nobody was here to put my flames out.

For the first time, the idea of opening the box in my drawer of my dresser entered my mind. Alice had slipped me an embarrassing little device for my last birthday but although I had looked at it, I had never used it. Maybe tonight was the night to try a little mechanical relief.

I fetched it out and read the illustrated instruction booklet.

So, okay, I get the idea.

I turned it on and a soft buzz filled the room. Could Charlie hear this? Not above the television, surely.

I climbed back under the covers and lay down flat.

Just then, the sound of a window sliding up broke the silence.

"Isabella, I told you to leave this window open." he purred.

He slid into my bed and pulled my gift from Alice out of my hand and turned it off.

"I think we can find something way better than that, don't you, Isabella?' he asked in his low, ragged voice.

**A/n well do we want another smutty story? review if so. I think Chapter Two will be called Touch, somehow,lol! Or it can stay as a one shot.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, smut warning, if you somehow missed Chapter one and am thinking this is about Bambi and rainbows, nuh! Go back! Close the page before its too late! Unsuitable for anyone. Teenagers at play!**

Touch me

Chapter 2

TOUCH

EPOV

I slid into Bella's bed and took the offensive little plastic device from her and turned it off.

"I think we can find something way better than that, don't you, Isabella?"

She smiled at me coyly.

"What do you suggest we replace it with?" she asked.

Shit. Good one, Cullen. Don't lose your nerve now.

"I have these long, eager fingers, for a start" I offered her.

"Hm, I wonder what they can do for a poor, helpless female."

I looked into her eyes and hoped she couldn't see the nervousness and turmoil that raged inside me.

I had just lost yet another girlfriend because of my lack of experience and my blind fear of being intimate with a girl. Jessica had seemed like a safe bet. I knew she had slept with several boys already so I had hoped she would be willing to teach me what to do, but she had laughed at my fumbling efforts and started to look around for a replacement before we even got started.

"Edward" she had moaned at me."You are freaking gorgeous, perfect to look at, always confident,always have every girl in the school lusting after you, and you have never been with a girl? Seriously? I don't have the patience to wait and I certainly don't fuck virgins. You need to find yourself a teacher and fast." She agreed to play the part until at least our party games. I know it was only because Mike was one of the participants and I knew before the night began, how it would end with those two. Mike likes to fuck, Jess likes to fuck. They are made for each other.

I had felt humiliated and ashamed at my lack of knowledge and experience. My parents had always drummed into me, sex was for married couples or at least, those in a long term committed relationship, but every time I got with a girl and asked her to be my girlfriend, it was the same. She assumed that meant we would be sleeping together immediately. I wanted to build up to sex, get to know her first, not just start in bed and then discover she wasn't what I wanted out of bed.

I wanted to know her, the real her, her likes, her dislikes,her hopes, her dreams, her plans, her goals, understand where she was coming from.

My first attempt to be with a girl had failed just as badly. I had chosen a sweet, quiet girl who I knew was a virgin and hoped we could teach each other but that had failed as she knew even less than me and we never got past the fumbling above clothing stage before the pure frustration and embarrassment made her decide we just were not suited. One of us needed to know what to do and show the way.

So, no blushing virgins and no oversexed skanks who expected you to be an expert fucker from the get go.I have no idea whether I will be good 'in bed' or completely hopeless.

Being allowed inside any girl's body should be an honor, and should have some meaning attached.

The idea of 'fucking' randoms just doesn't appeal to me but I had given up pretty much, on finding a girl who liked me for myself, not just as the pretty boyfriend on her arm, and was willing to take things slowly.

I didn't want a collection of notches on my bed post, I wanted every girl I slept with to have been in a genuine relationship with me and have been a possibility of being "The One".

I knew I was hardly likely to find her first off, so there would be some failures but I wanted a minimum amount of failures.

But the chances of finding a like minded girl seems remote and it seems I need some experience to even get to know a girl at all. Maybe I can learn up to and not including the actual complete sex act, and go on from there.

Emmett and I just didn't see eye to eye. Emmett would sleep with any girl who let him.

Why they all just let him, I don't understand. He never offered them a relationship, just a 'quick fuck' as he proudly put it.

Jasper was just as bad. He saw any girl as a possibility, and I warned Alice about his reputation more than once.

Bella had always attracted me but after her little performance tonight, I had to change her from the Blushing Virgin category to something else entirely. I just hoped she wasn't so experienced she would spurn my need to learn about girl's bodies and her body in particular.

I had read the books, watched Emmett's porn. Hell, I had watched Emmett from across the room when he was 'making a move' on his current conquest.

His hands were everywhere and in no time he has the girl moaning and pleading and he would stand, wink at me and announce whatever her name was, was a little tired so he was taking her upstairs to rest.

Having the bedroom beside his, I was often privy to the sounds of this 'little rest' and my brother certainly seemed to know his stuff.

Why didn't I just ask Emmett for help? Because , as he says, we are Cullens, we know how to charm the pants of the ladies.

He would nevr let me live it down if he knew I still held my v card intact.

Jasper had been my best friend forever and he knew all about my problem. He had taught me that a show of confidence was vital and he taught me how to swagger and how to get a girl going with words first. I quite enjoyed that. I had gotten a little carried away tonight with Bella but I was imagining every scenario Emmett's porn had ever shown me,( as I had avoided his 'hard stuff collection") or Jasper had ever coached me through to learn the words.

"Girls love dirty talk, Edward. They may act all pure and virginal and shocked but believe me, you want a girl all hot and panting and wet for you, you have to use your words.

Then your fingers.

Then your tongue.

Then your dick.

Not just plunge in right off. Girls need to be gotten into the mood. You keep up the dirty talk and you will be at home base before she even notices you haven't done that before. Just dazzle her with words."

So, it seemed to have gone pretty well with Bella. Little vixen. I would love to know who taught her to strip tease like that.

I have had three other girls stand naked in front of me in my room, because of our little game, and have always managed to talk them into a frenzy but this is the first time I have felt I can follow through and actually touch a girl. My poor dick is sick to death of my hand, it really wants a pretty pair of lips around it. Jasper tells me thats pretty much as good as actual fucking, if you have the right girl do it.

He has had plenty of girls, in every way. The girls all love Jasper. He has more notches on his bedpost than even Emmett. He always shares in great detail, every move he made and exactly what he did and what she liked or didn't go for.

He is determined to get a willing girl to let him try backdoor sex, so that's his latest aim, as he has done everything else.

I frown as I think of him with my sister as she stood naked before him, yet again. He had better not be planning any type of sex with her. Alice is a total exhibitionist and loves prancing about naked when we play our games, she thinks its so romantic! I fear for my sister.

I lean in and kiss Isabella and she opens her lips and invites me in. Luckily, Jess was more than willing to suck face with me and I had simply mirrored what she did to my tongue, so I am confident I can carry off the whole kissing part. Jess had her reputation to maintain so she liked to give plenty of PDA's at school, keeping up the fiction. She knew plenty of girls envied that she was with me, so she milked it to the hilt. All the while planning and searching for my replacement. So long as she got to dump me, she was happy.

She even agreed to keep quiet about what a failure I am, as she wants to keep her options of a later chance to date me, once I "know where everything goes and how to put it there successfully."

Bella starts to moan when I suck on her tongue, so I take courage and slide my fingers across her slit. Its wet and she is pushing her body against my hand, quite frantically. God, Jasper was right. I just have to fake the whole confidence part and I can fake the next bit too.

I don't intend going too far with Bella, she will pick up at some point that I have no idea what I am doing.

I wonder how many men have been inside her. She seems very eager and her hand is over mine and she guides me as I stroke her. Bless this girl!

"Oh Edward, yes, right there, God yes, Edward."

So, now I know where she needs my fingers, I stroke harder and faster and she suddenly stills, frozen for a second or two, the relaxes and sighs as she pulses on my fingers.

I go to move them away and she grabs my wrist.

"Let me ride them out, please."

Okay. I will remember this,keep my fingers there even after she comes.

She moves slower and slower and more gently against me until she stops and lets me have my hand back.

"God, I knew you would be good" she says, rolling onto her side and leaning her head on one hand.

"Where did you learn to strip like that?" I ask her.

"Oh Rosalie. She is teaching Alice and I some moves."

Shit. Alice is learning to strip?

"Why?"

"Truth or made up excuse?"

"Lets go with the truth." I reply.

"Okay. You must remember back when you were a virgin, Edward. It's kind of hard to get a member of the opposite sex to want to sleep with you if you are inexperienced. Rose says its all about confidence so she is teaching us the moves so boys will assume we sleep around and someone will finally be in too far before he realizes he's nailing a virgin. Then we are on the way to having the whole world of men out there, willing to be with us."

I have no trouble remembering my virginity.

It confronts me every morning as I relieve my morning wood in the shower. If self love was counted as experience, I would be King of the male students.

"So, Edward, are you going to run screaming from my bed because I am a virgin?' she asks.

"No, sweet Bella, I am not."

She smiles and kisses me sweetly.

"I don't suppose you want to be my first, though?"

The idea of being her first definitely appeals to me.

She could be my first and at least I like her. A lot.

She may not have to know. She already assumes I am not a virgin so if I can fake my way through this, we can be each others teachers and solve each others problems.

"I will consider it, but only if you let us take things slowly. Is that okay with you?"

"So, what, you are going to teach me what to do? Up to and including sleeping together?"

"Why don't we take it one step at a time and see what happens. If you change your mind along the way, you can just tell me and we can stop."

"I don't think that will happen."

"Do you have a boyfriend, Bella?"

No, I have a potential boyfriend. I have always liked Jacob Black but you all know that."

"Why haven't you asked him to teach you, then?"

"Because he has already refused and told me to come back when I know what I am doing." she said sadly.

"Bella, seriously? You will go back to him after he said that to you?"

"Of course I will. He isn't the first boy to lose interest in me when he finds out I am a virgin. Didn't that ever happen to you, Edward?"

"Of course it did. I understand better than you think." I assured her.

"Bella, I just had a thought. Had you ever seen a penis before last night?"

She blushed and pulled her pillow over her head.

"God, Bella, now I feel like I am some kind of pervert, rubbing myself off in front of you. Why did you tell me to stay?"

"I wanted to see one, in action, as it were. As soon as I realized what you were doing, I wanted to watch and see what would happen. Health books only go so far. Have you had a lot of girlfriends?"

"One or two. Have you had a lot of boyfriends?"

"I have had a lot of first dates. Mainly once they find out, that's it, it's come back when you are capable of a 'proper' relationship."

Been there, done that, that's for sure. We have a lot in common, if she only knew.

"So, Edward, when can you come over? Charlie is on nightshift every Wednesday and Saturday night. Do you want to come either of those nights?"

"How about both of those nights? We can try something new each Wednesday and practice it Saturdays."

"Will you start tonight?"

I am wondering what to 'teach' her tonight. Talk about the blind teaching the blind.

"Okay. Well, I have seen you naked, so I guess its only fair you see me naked."

I stood and stripped my shirt off and undid my pants. Confidence, Edward. Act like you have undressed in front of a dozen girls.

Her eyes are on me as I step out of my jeans and toss them away. My boxers are tented at the front, from the sight and feel of this girl, and all the sex talk.

I hide my blushes and peel them off like its an everyday event.

Bella sits on the bed, gazing at my junk and I wonder how I measure up. Then I realize, she hasn't seen anyone else naked before so look at it this way, I am the largest and best she has ever seen.

"Like what you see, baby?" I ask, with a smirk and a swagger but I wait anxiously for her reply.

"Can I touch it?" she asks and looks up through hooded eyelids and her curtain of hair.

I just hope I don't shoot my load the moment her hand is on me.

"Sure. Do you want me to stand here or lie on the bed?"

"Lie down, I guess."

I spread myself out in front of her and she sees me watching her and blushes.

"Can you..not look?"

"Okay. Eyes shut." I promise.

I feel her breath on me as she leans in closer and I try to not let go.

God, don't let me lose it now, please.

I jump as I feel her soft hand on me. She simply strokes down my shaft but its the first hand to ever touch my shaft other than me so it feels amazing.

She keeps sliding until she is cupping my sac and I can't help but moan.

"Your skin is really soft. Show me where it feels the best."

I direct her hand to the underside, along the large vein and feel her inspect me up close, then stroke down with a single finger.

It feels like Heaven.

I feel the tip leak a little and am glad my eyes are closed.

She takes her finger and smooths the pre cum across my head and I have to moan again.

"Don't stop." I say, without thinking.

"What do I do?"she asks.

I hold her hand under mine and stroke it up and down.

"Do I hold you tight or loose?"

"Fairly tight is good" I stutter as she closes around me.

She strokes me up and down and my pelvis bucks up into her hand, instinctively.

"Rose says ball massages get you extra points". she says and I nearly lose it.

God Bless Rosalie Hale and all who sail in her.

She places her other hand where she can massage my sac and I am definitely in Heaven.

I want to come, and release the pressure but I am enjoying her touch so much.

So much better than when I do it. I can't believe how much better.

You would think any hand would do, but her hands are small and soft and gentle and compared to mine, they feel wonderful.

"Bella, I am going to come in a minute" I warn her.

"Okay. I have seen you do this before."

"Yes you have".

Just recalling that sets me off, along with her ministrations, and I am jerking in her hand and releasing all over my stomach.

She kept moving her hand softly and slowly and I start to come back down.

She is sitting there looking at me, and she traces a finger through the mess on my abdomen and

sighs.

"So, when we do it orally, I have to swallow this?"

I am glad I already came because that would have set me off across the room.

"Oh yes, Bella, you do." I answer her. Jasper has lectured me on the joy of swallowers versus spitters so I may as well train her right.

All I can think is, let the next lesson come around really quickly.

**Please review. Next chapter..Taste..probably. If Edward has any say in it!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N.. don't get excited. So many readers complain I write too much drama, not enough fluff so this story is going to have fluff in between action. Moan at them, not me! Let the fluff begin...(and you still have to review if you want the good stuff)......**

Touch Me

Chapter 3

Talk To Me

EPOV

It would be really nice if my mind could concentrate on something, anything, other than my next scheduled session with Bella. I mean, my parents are paying a small fortune for my college education and each lesson this week, my mind has drifted off, away from the lectures my professors have taken the time to prepare, and all I can hear is her soft moans and her pretty voice asking me to touch her and let her ride out her aftershocks.

My dick is permanently hard and ready and I visit the men's room before, after, between, well, all day really and going home I find myself shifting uncomfortably in my seat as I try to at least catch up by reading the class notes over and over. I am lucky I have study buddies, even though they seemed surprised I even asked for copies. I explain I had the beginnings of a migraine and couldn't concentrate today and the girls are full of sympathy. James calls bullshit.

"Cullen, I sit beside you. All your blood was in your dick all day long. It would have been medically impossible for you to have a migraine. You had the opposite of one, a complete lack of blood in your brain."

I curse his powers of observation and need to turn the tables on him quickly before anyone starts to wonder.

"So, James, you spent the day eying off my crotch. I am flattered, but I don't do guys. You should try Eric, I believe he likes a little guy love. I will stick with the gender that has the nice warm pussies, thanks all the same."

James stands up, scowling and furious and kicks the leg of my chair.

"Edward, we all know you are a manwhore. There's not a pussy in this school safe from you. In fact, my one goal is to find a girl you haven't been in before me. Impossible dream. All the girls tell me they have fucked Edward Cullen. And what's this bullshit about Jess dumping you? I heard you wouldn't leave her alone and you wore her out and she has a nasty case of pussy burn from your constant fucking. Can't you learn some restraint?"

I can't help but laugh. If Jess has 'injuries' they sure as hell weren't caused by me but it all helps my rep. And as for all the girls who have claimed to have been with me, I have no explanation, especially as I have never found one willing to teach me the ropes.

"Yeah, looking for pastures new as we speak." I confirm.

"I call bullshit again. I know you climbed in Swan's window. How did that go? Did you unfreeze the ice virgin? Shit, Cullen, there really is nobody safe from you, is there? What do we call her now? Edward's ho?"

"Shut the fuck up, James. Never speak of Bella in that way again, or you and I will have words."

"Oooh, touchy. Not in there yet, Cullen? Wow, a chick who knocked the infamous Edward Cullen back! I need to shake this girls hand. So, you couldn't melt the ice cap, hey! maybe I should give her a go. I like me a virgin to deflower. Give me five minutes in the back of my car and hey, presto! My magic trick..a ho where there once was a virgin. Give me her number."

"Fuck off and stay away from her, James" I warn.

He better keep his filthy hands far from my Bella.

I am so relieved she didn't ask James for his help with her problem, he would have solved it but never in a nice or gentle way. James believed in the principle if you needed to teach someone to swim, just toss them in the deep end.

I feel horrified at how Bella would have fared in his hands.

"Are you seriously calling dibs on Virgin Swan? Go for it, son, but remember your friends when you have broken her in for the rest of us. Now, let's make it interesting. How about we have us a little wager? I say it will take you a full three months to be enclosed in her pussy. You will need six weeks just to thaw out the ice."

"James, you are one disgusting pervert" I say as I stand and leave. I can hear the other guys calling out how much they want to bet. Most seem to think I can achieve my goal in two weeks, flattering but untrue. Even if I was a practiced manwhore, I would never rush a gem like Bella into sex. I resolve one thing though, I have to give her all the facts before she goes any further with me. I cannot pretend to be something I am not. I have sold the idea to her while she sees me as something different to what I am. I am a different person to the non existent Edward Cullen the sexpert.

I walk down to the school library and there she is. Long brown hair glinting in the few rays of the sun that have managed to sneak through the windows. Liquid chocolate brown eyes shining as she laughs at something my sister has said to her. I stop and just enjoy the sound of her laughter. I cannot believe no guy here has snapped up such a beauty. It baffles me completely why she has been rejected for being pure. One would think some of the old values still applied to some of the boys here. Surely they should see it as an honor and a privilege to be first with such a wonderful beauty. She has the looks, the body, the personality. She is always happy and positive, sensitive to others, a loyal friend, trustworthy. What do guys want? Obviously all they look for is a quick fuck with a willing and experienced female. They want nothing more and are not willing to put in any time and effort to create a loving relationship between them first.

It's truly a disposable society.

I have watched Emmett and Jasper as they chase every piece of skirt in the school then cross the girl off their lists, like some shopper with her grocery list. neither offer the girls more, maybe once or twice they have invited a girl back for a second time but nothing more than that. What are these girls thinking? Do they think they will be the one to change these boys minds and convince them to go for something more? I can't understand them at all if they, too, just want a quick, physical release. Can't they get that within a coupling? Don't they want feelings and even love to be part of the equation? I have never had random sex but it holds no appeal to me and if that's what Bella is looking for, we will fail before we begin.

I shake my head and try to get the images of her writhing at my touch out of my head. She is much more than that. I seriously don't want to complicate things. I try to see it from my brothers point of view. Would it would be too embarrassing to have any kind of relationship with her as I work towards deflowering her? I am bound to be crap at sex at first and leave her unfulfilled and wondering why the hell I have the rep I have. Do I will have to step away smartly once the deed is done?

Maybe she will put it down to her own inexperience?

It sits wrong in my gut, even thinking that. I can't deceive her this way. If I end up giving her a lousy first time, I will hold my hand up and tell her why. Tell her it was me, not her.

I walk away and hope I can at least make her first time a little pleasurable but I don't hold a lot of faith in myself. If we do this, then we stick to my plan and build up to it slowly so I know her body and what she likes. Maybe if she gets pleasure from my mouth or hands, the actual deed will not be a major issue, if things are not that good for a while. I hope she will accept we are both learning together. We will get things wrong, need to learn and practice. And it has to be fun and flow from one step to the next. No set date for the deed to be done. We have to get there at whatever speed suits us and our circumstances. All I know is, for me there needs to be a connection and reciprocated feelings or this will never happen.

BPOV

Alice was entertaining us all with stories of her brothers and I couldn't help but laugh at the story of Edward fleeing from Tanya when she managed to bribe Emmett into swapping his turn with her at Look and Don't Touch, with Lauren, who Edward had won. He had begged Emmett to refuse the bribe and Emmett had laughed and assured Edward, Tanya naked was not the nightmare he expected. Emmett had won her many times himself and he found the sight of her enormous fake boobs quite interesting. He had no desire to ever touch them, but he made her bounced on the balls of her feet and make them jiggle for him and he felt that was an experience Edward should also share.

Edward had run for the forest and not returned until the next day, spending the entire night curled up on the forest floor rather than risking an encounter with Tanya.

Soon after, Lauren had walked in to the library and announced Edward was betting he would 'impale' me within the next two weeks.

The smile slipped from my face. I couldn't believe he would be so cruel. We had agreed to keep this matter private.

"Lauren, what are you talking about? Edward would never make such a stupid claim, especially about a girl like Bella. Who told you this ridiculous lie?" demanded Alice.

"It's no lie, Pixie, James is taking bets as we speak. I just put a $20 on it taking him more like four weeks. And Jess says it will take him a year."

She looked up at me and frowned.

"Surely even you couldn't hold out on Edward Cullen for a year? I think Jess knows something. For her to refuse to bet, something is definitely up. I will get it out of her. God, he had her in bed on their first date, she told me herself. Why would Bella fight him off for a year? It makes no sense at all."

I shuddered at hearing Edward had taken Jess into his bed on their first date. Yet he said he wanted to take things slow with me. What was so wrong with me? And was he seriously having that pervert James take bets for him? Maybe I made a serious mistake trusting Edward.

I refuse to jump to conclusions. I am going to talk to him whether he likes it or not.

I flounce out of the library , telling Alice I will meet her in class, and walk to the lunchroom. Well, it seems the betting part is real. Several boys come up and ask me what sort of timeframe I am looking at before I allow Edward to 'do me'.

"No insider information, folks. Leave the lovely Vir..I mean, Miss Swan, alone. Come on boys, place your bets. Nobody has bet less than a week. Come on, it's Edward Cullen. If it takes him one date to get most girls to surrender, even Bella Swan will be pushed to hold out an entire week. Don't you lads have faith in our Edward?"

He walks away, accepting money hand over fist and writing out his betting slips.

I blush all shades of red and rush out into the schoolyard. Edward is sitting alone, back against a tree, reading a book. The sun is sneaking through the sparse autumn leaves and making his coppery hair glint and shine in its sneaky rays. The scene takes my breath away. He is truly a beautiful man. His pants are black and tight fitting, hugging his slim hips. His white school shirt has the top two buttons undone and his maroon tie is at half mast. On any other boy, it would look messy and lazy but on Edward, it looks relaxed and casual. His glorious hair needs cutting, it's gotten to the point where it hangs over his forehead and hides his beautiful emerald eyes until he runs this long fingers through it and teases it into standing up and out from his head. It should look ridiculous, but the effect is sexy and Little Boy Lost and makes you want to be the one who plays with it, all at the same time. I march over to him and plop down beside him.

"So, what did you bet? A week? A day? How long do you figure it will take you to deflower me, Edward?" I demand, cross and upset he would be part of this.

"Bella, James is an ass. I had nothing to do with it. He is simply assuming things that are not true. How does he think he can collect? He will never hear a single word from me, if we do ever..."

It seems strange. Arranging bets yet unable to even say what our goal is.

"Do you promise it's got nothing to do with you? Please be honest with me, Edward."

"I promise I will always tell you the truth, Bella."

"How long do you usually wait until you sleep with your new girlfriends?" I ask.

Edward pales.

"Shit, Bella. I really don't want to answer that."

"That fast? What, first date?"

I already heard this, but Alice always makes Edward sound so nice and so different to Emmett and Jasper. She has never told us stories of Edward bagging his girls in his bedroom or anything like that. I guess Edward does not kiss and tell, unlike his brother and best friend.

"The truth? I have yet to sleep with any girl, Bella."

I sit there, stunned.

"You are a virgin?"

"I am."

"But everyone knows.."

"Everyone thinks they know all my business. Even Jess left me because I was not experienced."

"But she said..."

"Jess is not really known for her honesty, Bella. Even you must know that."

"Then, why did you agree to help me out?"

"Because I thought, I like you, you like me, right? Why not work this thing out together and both get what we want. A loss of our v cards. No risk of passing on any diseases or infections. No high expectations. Just two friends working out what goes where as Jess puts it. I will understand if you would rather have James or Mike help you out now you know. I am sure they have both had plenty of experience with virgins. I would hate to see you go to James, though."

"Good, because I would rather be a virgin forever than put myself in his hands." I inform him.

I look through my curtain of hair and smile at him.

Edward Cullen, virgin.

Who would have thought?

"I would love for us to work this out together, Edward. I would be honored to be your first, too."

He moved his hand across until it sat on top of mine and smiled shyly at me. The warmth and connection shakes me a little. It's like our hands know each other and want to be touching.

"I promise I will never tell anyone anything, Bella. If you hear differently, please come to me first."

"Oh, I promise the same. I will never tell, believe me."

"Bella, will you be my girlfriend?"

I sit there stunned yet again.

"I don't know, is that a good idea?"

"Wouldn't you rather we did this inside a relationship, Bella? I would love to get to know you first."

"I need to think, Edward. I can see your point. Maybe we should try and be something to each other first. Maybe that would be better?"

I am not sure. I had seen it as more of a business deal or arrangement. Do I want feelings involved? Because if I allow myself, I will fall pretty hard for Edward. And what happens when the deed is done? Does he move on? Go find more girls to add to his list? Try and compete with his brother and Jasper? Am I entering into a relationship with a use by date? Does he dump me the day he nails me? We need to discuss all this before we go further.

"Can you come over tonight? Charlie is covering Jarad's shift. Just to talk." I assure him.

"Sure, Bella. I can be there around eight?"

"Okay. See you then."

I grab my bag and head back towards the Biology lab for my next class.

x x x x x x x

At 8pm on the dot, there is a knock at our front door and I excitedly open it to the beautiful Edward. I now have even more trouble believing he is willing to help me out. And wanting to be my boyfriend? Things like this do not happen to girls like me. I know I am very much the Plain Jane, the girl next door. The boy who should be my boyfriend is the lonely computer nerd or the chess club vice captain. A nobody. Someone whose highlight of the day is playing WOW or some other online game. Never the gorgeous Greek God who stands before me.

"Come in, Edward" I shyly say and stand back so he can pass me. I shut and lock the front door and take Edward's hand and we go upstairs to my bedroom. Edward opens my window in case a quick getaway becomes necessary and I sit with him on my bed, side by side, our backs leaning against the headboard.

"What did you want to talk about, Bella?" he asks me.

"I guess I just need advance knowledge. If we are boyfriend and girlfriend, what does that entail?"

"What it entails for most couples. I date you, you date me, we are exclusive."

He sneaks a glance to see my reaction to his words.

"That's fine. After we..progress to real sex, what happenes then? Do you break up with me?"

He looks a little shocked and annoyed.

"Why would I do that?"

"Well, isn't it every boys goal to have as many girls as he can while in college? Won't you need to get around a lot to catch up to Emmett and Jaz? They both have a heck of a head start on you. The only way you could match their numbers would be if they stopped now and you got around a lot of girls by the end of the year." I explain.

He frowns and and reaches over for my hand.

"Bella, I am not Emmett or Jaz. If I wanted to be like them, I could have paid for a prost..um..professional to 'break me in' and give me even more street cred then the girls would have flocked into my bed. I want to learn what you like, learn how to give you pleasure. I won't be lining up other girls as soon as we achieve our goal. I hope we will be close enough to stay together long before the sex happens. In fact, if it jeopardizes our relationship in any way, I would call a halt. If you change your mind or decide you aren't ready, you must speak up. Promise me that?"

"I will. But the whole aim is to lose our virginities, right? So that will happen?"

"If it feels right. If we get to know each other and like what we learn. If we are compatible and comfortable with each other, then sure, it will happen one day. But I wouldn't be laying any bets with James. I imagine we are looking at six months, maybe more, before James can collect on his bets. Not that we are under any obligation to tell him anything."

Edward slid an arm around my shoulders and leaned in closer.

"May I kiss you, Bella?"

I lean in close and graze his lips with mine. I am so excited to know Edward is not the manwhore he is seen to be. I want to be his first , for all the obvious reasons but also for reasons I cannot yet explain or understand myself. His lips are soft and gentle and his tongue teases and explores my mouth. He is turning me on with very little effort. As he draws me in closer, I notice a certain bulge in his jeans and I take a chance he won't reject me, and rub a hand along it. He sighs into my mouth and bucks his hips against me. It's nothing we haven't done before and I want to feel him, naked and warm beside me.

Charlie will not be home until after we leave for school tomorrow so I want to spend the whole night in Edward's embrace.

"Can you stay all night?" I ask, breathlessly.

"Of course I can. Jaz will alibi me." He pulls his phone out and arranges for Jaz to be aware Edward is using him as his alibi for the sleepover.

I can hear Jasper getting excited at the call.

"Edward, my man! You need a all night alibi for the rents. I am a proud man. Remember all I taught you and relax and let it come naturally, man. Confidence, remember. Act like a seasoned lover and she will assume you are."

I giggle at this. Boys! Edward rings his parents and tells them he is crashing at Jaz's and he gets little comment. Apparently this is a frequent occurrance.

"Oh Edward, Rosalie has invited Alice to sleepover too, so look out for your sister."

Edward hangs up but looks worried.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Alice is pulling the sleepover at Rose's house excuse. I know she will sleep in Jaz's bed. I don't trust him with my sister. Alice is innocent."

I smile a little. Alice is a little more experienced than Edward suspects and it's too late to be worried about Jaz taking her virtue. That happened a week ago. They spend a lot of time together, in fact, Jaz has asked Alice to be his girlfriend and he has already given up his playboy ways for her. They are trying to make a go of things and I think they make a perfect couple. How much of this do I tell Edward? Is it my place? I really wish Alice would be as up front with her brother as she is with us girls.

Jaz lets his friends think he is still gadding about with every girl in school because he is scared of Edward and Emmett's reaction if they know the truth. Poor Alice, there are disadvantages to having older brothers too. I always envied her but in reality, I am glad there is no older sibling watching me like a hawk at school. It wouldn't take them long to detect what was going on between Edward and I.

Edward detects my reaction .

"What? Spill,Bella. If I can't lie to you, you cannot lie to me. What do you know about Alice that I don't?"

I struggle to know where my loyalties lie. Edward and I are brand new, Alice has been my good friend for years.

"I need to ring Alice. Wait here." I take the cowards way out and ring Alice and tell her Edward knows where she is planning on spending the night and tell her she has to tell him or I will crack under pressure.

"So, Edward is spending the night here with Jaz? How did that happen? Jaz knew I was arranging an alibi with Rose."

"No, Edward is......." shit.

How do I explain? I just promised Edward I would not disclose anything about us.

"Ring Edward. Now." I order and hang up.

His phone rings as I return to my bedroom.

"Alice? What the heck, I told you Jaz is a player. Really? How long? Shit, and you are just telling me now? No, I am not sleeping at Jaz's, I just need to appear to be there. No, I am not sleeping with Bella. Well, I am sleeping with her, just not in the sense you mean. Alice! We hardly know each other. Oh you and your visions! Keep that stuff to yourself, sis and for God's sake, be safe. Condoms. I am sure Jaz has several hundred of them, just make sure he uses one, some..God, let me forget this conversation, please. Okay. See you at school. Condoms, Alice."

"You knew?" he turns and asks me.

"Of course. Alice tells me everything." I reply.

"So, do you tell her everything?" he asks.

"Edward, I have never had anything to tell before the games night."

"So, she knows I came to your room? James knows, I have been trying to work out how he could have found out."

"Alice wouldn't tell anyone, surely?" I ask, instantly worried she has indulged in a little gossip about us.

"Does Rose know? Because if Rose knows, then we can assume the entire town knows."

I blush and hang my head. What has happened to Girl's Code? We are supposed to keep each others secrets.

"Come downstairs and I will make dinner" I say as I grab for his hand.

Edward helps me and we move around each other as we chop and brown the meat and prepare the vegetables, like we have been working together forever. It feels comfortable and right. Weird, I usually like my kitchen empty of anyone but myself. I hate it when others offer to help and they are usually much more of a hindrance.

I finally assemble everything together and stir the mixture as it simmers. I can feel Edward standing behind me. His breath is on my bare neck and it makes my entire body think of things that are not food. I feel him place his hands on my hips and lean in to bury his nose in my hair. I stand completely still.

He reaches in front of me and turns the gas jet off, putting the lid on the pan.

"Come upstairs."

Two words.

I try not to break into a run but I want to stop wasting time. I find my few clothes have somehow fallen by the wayside, and I make a mental note to collect them later. I don't think Charlie would be impressed at arriving home and finding my outfit scattered and dropped up the staircase, especially as my bra is on the top step.

Edward shuts my door and leans his body over mine, trapping me upright against the wood.

"God, Bella."

His lips are on my neck, my collarbones, my chest...his hands are cupping my naked breasts and he takes one nipple into his mouth. I hear someone mew with delight, and blush when I realize it was me. My whole body is arching toward his, and I can feel his interest as I grind myself shamelessly against his pants. Six months? Can't see it taking that long myself, I have to admit. Maybe I should place a bet with James? How funny would that be? Insider information!

Edward reaches down and I feel his hand gliding between my legs but above the lacy panties I am still wearing. I wouldn't be so bold as to be naked that fast..yeah, because a tiny piece of lace keeps me decent? I suddenly love that my mom sends me parcels of lingerie and lacy underwear. I never bothered wearing any of it before but now I see every day as a possible day that it might come in handy. Edward is changing me into some sexaholic. I want his hands on my most private places and it's all I can think about. I know I failed my Math test earlier this week. I swear, I walked in and sat at my desk and wrote my name on the paper then drifted away somewhere and next thing the bell had sounded and my entire test paper was blank. I blushed as I handed it in, stuttering about cramps and headaches and ladies problems in the hope the teacher would allow me to resit it.

All I could see was images of Edward and his hands bringing me to the brink...

I shivered as he sneaks a finger inside the lace and traces around my clit. It feels heavenly and I don't want him to stop. He moves it deeper and pushes inside me and I gasp at this new feeling.

"Do you like that, Bella? Tell me what you want me to do."

His voice is low and husky and I fear I will spontaneously combust. He has pushed the lace to the side, out of his way.

He is plunging his finger in and out and I open my legs wider for him. A second finger joins the first and I feel myself stretch to accommodate it. His palm is glancing off my clit as he strokes me inside and I start to see stars and pant in unison with his strokes.

"Don't stop" I cry, in a voice unlike my own.

"I won't, I promise, baby" he sighs.

He gets faster and my eyes start to flicker and close as it hits me and I fall into ecstasy and my legs buckle. Edward chuckles and holds me up and leans his body in closer as I ride out the waves. He is stroking me slowly, along my folds, gently bringing me back down.

I can't believe he knows what to do, and so well.

I have no worries he will be just as amazing when the time comes for him to invade me and take my v card.

**Please review.**


	4. Chapter 4

Touch Me

Chapter 4

"So, what did the two of you get up to?" Alice whispers as I attempt to listen to the lecture. Somehow eighteenth century poets hold no interest for me. Funny that, last week I was mesmerised. This week my interests are a lot later than that.

"We just did stuff, I would prefer keeping some things to myself," I answered.

"You have to tell me when you do it for real, though, okay?" she pushed.

I shrugged. How much do I owe her and how much loyalty does Edward deserve? I kind of think if there is to be anything between us, I have to put him first and his sister a long way down the list below him.

"I can't tell you anything about his other girls, he never brought them home or tells me anything. I don't even know his number. You should get that out of him before you two go much further. He is a manwhore, Bella, like Jasper. It is something we have to come to terms with."

"I know his number," I replied.

"Are you okay with it?" she asked worriedly. Alice always knew I had this thing for Edward but never acted on it because to me, Jake Black is my ultimate goal and if Edward is the one who prepares me for that, then I am doubly lucky. I like Edward, a lot, and a lot more now I know his secret.

"I'm fine with it," I answer.

Alice scrutinizes my face.

"Bella, are you planning on just using my brother? I'm not saying that's wrong, seeing he uses girls all the time, I'm just a little concerned because I know he likes you, a lot. If you are just in it for the sex, do me one favor and tell him upfront so he doesn't get any ideas about you two being special."

I bit my lower lip and nodded. I had been honest with Edward. Agreeing to be his girlfriend was one thing but he knew from the get go about Jacob, and he only asked that we be exclusive, not that we morph into Romeo and Juliet. I liked him a lot but Jake will always be there, hopefully waiting, hopefully not sleeping with the entire female population before I can offer him myself.

His birthday is December 26th so that's my goal and we have seven months to get this thing done. Maybe I should inform Edward of that so he has a timeline to work with.

I feel my cheeks blush as I think of him working out a schedule. Must be doing this by that date, then the final goal must occur before Christmas.

That makes me wonder, are we just doing IT once or several times? Does he need to do everything, you know, every area because I think Jake will expect me to be fully prepared as it is. Jake is never modest or ashamed to tell me what he does with 'his girls' and I guess he will want me completely 'broken in'.

My cell vibrates and I discretely pull it from my pocket, and read the text under the desk.

_Billy and I are eating at yours on Charlie's birthday, assume you will come home for that. Any dessert on the table yet?_

Alice frowns.

"Oh, I see," she comments, looking quite angry and even hurt. "You are using my brother to get you ready for that manwhore Jacob. Does Edward know?"

"Of course he knows. I would never lie to him about something like that. He knows we are trying to become a couple in the way we will be exclusive but he knows what my goal is. This is not a Happy Ever After for me and your brother, Alice. he has a goal to achieve and so do I, I just have after plans as well."

"You know what would be nice? If you found some guy who hasn't screwed his way through the entire town. You are happy to let Edward be your first but only so Jake is willing to be your second? It seems kind of cold to me."

"Like Jake isn't being cold to me," I retorted.

"I wasn't bothered about Jake," she hissed.

X~x~X

Edward was waiting in my bed when I got to my dorm, and I undressed and slowly approached the bed.

"This is just sex to you? I know you said we need to be exclusive and get to know each other and all that but you do know my ultimate goal is to be with Jacob, right?"

"You told me that from the get go. I like you, Bella and we both have the same need. I just think we could do this with meaning. I know this isn't leading anywhere permanent and once you and I achieve our object, we won't be together long afterwards, but that's okay,isn't it? That's what we decided? We just want to be able to move on and always think back on us as having had something, not just cold blooded sex, right?"

I nodded and slipped into bed beside him. My emotions were under control. He was beautiful, he would be mine for a little while but it was a temporary arrangement. Neither of us would do anything foolish like fall in love. Plenty of time for that after college was done and we were real adults, not over sized kids playing at being grown ups.

Having him touch me would not change anything. People do not magically fall in love just because they enjoy sex together. I can keep the line clearly marked in the sand.

"It's Jacob's birthday the day after Christmas day," I stated, knowing he would get the point.

"And you plan to be his present?" he answered.

"Absolutely," I agreed.

"So we need to make sure we get to where we need to by then. That's good, that gives us a clear time frame. Tell me everything you want to learn and we can work on it."

"I guess I want to learn the best way to give him a handjob and a blowjob and ultimately, how to make sure he enjoys sex with me, how I should react to what he is doing, how to make him want to sleep with me ahead of the other girls."

"No problem."

"And he does do other types of sex. Like.." I shrugged. How to say what Jacob's favorite position was. I had never had to speak it out in words.

Edward looked confused so I took his hand and ran it between my butt cheeks.

"Oooh," he said, smiling. "Really, Bella? You want him invading you there?"

"I want you getting me used to it, it has to hurt at first, right?"

"I have no idea. Jasper is the only guy who ever talks to me about backdoor sex. It's his Holy Grail. I guess I always assumed pussy would be nicer, myself, but whatever you want me to try, I have agreed already so I expect I need to research and listen to Jasper. Maybe it's not that different?"

"Not to the man but I imagine it is to the girl. It just stands to reason it has to be painful. Think about it," I growled. "I would never be contemplating this particular move if it was up to me but Jake likes that sort of thing and I can hardly go to him with restrictions or he will reject me again."

"Bella, you are sure Jake actually likes you, aren't you? If you are merely joining his stable of willing fuckbuddies, then you could only agree to the type of sex you prefer."

"Who knows, maybe I will like it," I sighed hopefully. "I want Jake to find me enough, I want to be his everything."

"Then you will be," Edward promised, kissing me and rolling his body closer to mine. My hand felt his erection and I started stroking, and he placed his hand on top and made me squeeze harder and move more quickly.

"You have seen me do this, that's the pace you need to copy," he whispered and I shook his hand away and concentrated on the chore in hand. My other hand caressed his ball bag gently, rolling it like he had shown me and he hissed and closed his eyes. His hands grasped at my ass and he pushed my body closer to his, using me as his friction.

"Grab my boobs together," I suggested. This is Rose's trick, maybe my rack will be inadequate, may as well find out.

I eased myself down so his erection was caught between my boobs and moved myself up and down, touching only his ever damp tip with a single fingertip and he started thrusting against me in earnest.

"Fuck, Bella, that feels amazing," he said hoarsely and bucked out of control before starting to stream in pleasure.

He pulled back and covered my naked breasts in his semen and his eyes lit up as I coated myself.

"Now do it again," I ordered. Rose says it's better for them the second time, with all the naturally produced lube, and Edward seemed to agree, moaning out loud this time, frantic to come again. He smiled so beautifully when he did, I was quite breathless.

"You are an amazingly quick learner. I admit I have dreamed of doing this but I really didn't expect you to want to," he said.

He wiped me down with the sheet and kissed my nipples and started to move downwards, further.

"Just relax and enjoy, this is why I made you do the Brazilian, this is the ecstasy to repay the agony that little waxing was." I could hear Rose in my head and I stopped resisting and let Edward part my legs and lick my folds, which were quite curious to what this was going to feel like.

"Aaah," I moaned, and opened my legs wider so he had all the room he needed.

Me like.

His tongue was warm and wet and kind of almost rough and he was licking me hard and in long smooth licks and I waited each time for him to return to hit my clit, that especially appreciated the attention.

"You like it here best?" he asked and I nodded, seeing words failed me.

He pointed his tongue and circled the bundle of nerves and made me rock closer, harder, and I tasted blood as I bit my lip from concentrating so hard.

"Fuck, Edward, more," I cried, unable to get where I wanted.

His finger entered inside me and he started pushing it in and out as he licked my clit.

"Suck it," I gasped and he did.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I chanted as I rocked into his mouth and he teased me with his tongue as he sucked me in.

My entire body was tingling and shaking and he sucked harder and I exploded and dropped back onto the mattress, unable to even see as stars appeared in front of my eyes.

He was licking but gently, and he did the 'nom nom nom' and made me laugh.

"You taste fucking awesome, I kind of expected to not like the taste but it's kind of sweet and different. I like the way you taste, Bella. You are my favorite flavor."

"Of pussy? Maybe you need to taste a few others before you decide that," I suggested.

"I think I may have tasted the best," he said softly and slid up to kiss me.

We kissed a long time and I had to remind myself I didn't have real feelings for him, nothing lasting. This was a game, we were playing, and Jake was the prize.

This was just the fun part.

No happy ever after, Bella. It's not on offer and you don't want it anyway.

I don't.

Really.

But fuck me I am going to enjoy the journey.

X~x~X

School was coming along and I was settling in, it's weird to be away from Forks and away from Charlie and looking after only myself for once. My dorm was at the end nearest the front entrance so Edward was able to slip in and out at will, with the spare key I had given him. Usually he left after a lesson, as we had agreed but the first night I needed him to stay happened soon after term began.

I had never been 100% sure if I was pre med material and if I would have what it took to go all the way in medicine, so many students fell by the wayside as the course got harder then interns dropped like flies, so better to know early if I should concentrate fully on my English related subjects and decide to be a writer rather than a doctor.

This day we walked into Biology ready for a Prac and I was late, as always, rushing in and plonking myself at the table, pulling the silver container closer without looking.

"Oh God no," I uttered and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

Five minutes later, here I am, lying on the hard cold bed in the nurse's office and Edward is hovering anxiously as the nurse slaps me and holds something cold on my face.

"What was that all about, Miss Swan?" she asked.

My head swam and I swallowed so I wouldn't vomit.

"The baby," I choked out.

Edward frowned and stepped closer.

"Bella, it was a rabbit. A skinned rabbit. You would have known if you had been on time."

"A rabbit?" I gasped. It looked like a baby.

"I think you need to reconsider your chosen career, you will be expected to be cutting up humans soon enough so if a rabbit makes you faint..."

I covered my eyes and burst into tears.

Edward sighed and sat beside me and pulled me on to his lap and stroked my back.

"You should go back and not miss class," I said, this was not his problem.

"Bella, I care about you, I can miss one prac," he replied and I smiled weakly.

"Nope, this is not part of the deal. I am your girlfriend in name only, go back to class and let me struggle with my future alone," I ordered.

There was no way I would ever get through Medicine, at least I knew that already.

Edward looked kind of hurt at my words but he stood and kissed the top of my head and walked out.

"Thanks," I called after him but he didn't turn.

I stayed with the nurse and she recommended a session with the Guidance Counsellor and she had me out of pre med and into more literature based courses in no time.

I would never be Dr Bella Swan but I knew from the start it was a risk and I only ever had a slim chance of making it through the pracs. The written part held little challenge, I could read and remember every word, but touching dead things...not really my thing. I had convinced myself my patients would all live and if they didn't, someone else would be doing the autopsy but the reality was, I had to be able to do that and I couldn't.

To avoid lunch I spent a few hours in the library borrowing the necessary text books until my medical ones were returned and the extra ones needed for my new classes issued, and I started to calm down.

I was fine, it was over. I would never have to dissect anything again. Other than a work of literature and dissecting it would be a whole lot less messy. What had I even been thinking? Charlie had laughed out loud when I decided on Medicine as a possibility and Jake had told me repeatedly I was wasting my time and they had been right.

Jake wanted me to go to Community College in Port Angeles so I would be living at home but I wanted to get away and broaden my horizons before the magical wedding and making our home in Forks or on the Res.

Of course, Jake had never said in so many words that was his plan but I knew that was how we would go, he was my Happy Ever After, we just needed the sex thing fixed.

I went to my dorm and lay down, just for a few minutes and woke up in the dark.

Edward was laying beside me, and I woke with a start, stifling a scream as the rabbit/baby in the bowl moved and opened it's eyes.

"Hey, it's okay, I'm here. It was just a nightmare," Edward soothed and I snuggled up to his warm body.

"I'm such a coward, I dropped out, from now on it's Bella Swan, author," I sighed.

"Maybe that is for the best, but be sure, Bella. You are stronger than you think. Don't just rush into dropping Medicine if that's what you want to do."

"I don't think I have it in me to cut up dead things, Edward," I admitted. "If I could miss that part completely, maybe but no. It was stupid to think I could ever do anything that complex."

"Stop it, you are a very intelligent and clever girl. You know that."

"I feel like a big dumb fraud at the moment," I admitted.

"At least you gave it a try, that's good, right?"

I nodded.

There was that.

"You will be an amazing author," he said, kissing my hair. "If I can help you in any way, just say so."

"Undress me for bed," I requested and he did, pulling my clothes off and dressing me in an oversized Tshirt then stripping himself to his boxers.

He made no move to touch me other than in comfort and I decided I did like having him as my boyfriend if it meant he would be there for me when I needed someone in other ways apart from the sex lesson thing.

He sang quietly into the dark and I relaxed in his arms and smiled when I awoke in the morning and he was still wrapped around me.

"Hey, you stayed," I said happily as he opened his eyes and got his bearings.

"Where else would I go when you needed me?" he asked and I felt a rush of...something..in my chest.

"Thank you, Edward, for staying," I replied and kissed his cheek.


	5. Chapter 5

**I need a headcount, if reading, review please. Keeper? Be back Monday to check. :)**

Touch Me

Chapter 5

"Hey Bella, do we need to go buy you a dress?" Alice asked.

I had no idea what she was talking about.

"I doubt it, I rarely wear dresses, thus the lack of them in my closet," I replied, weaving my pencil through my curtain of hair.

"Bella, don't be obtuse. The dance? Surely you want to wear something nice to the dance ."

"I was thinking of giving that a miss, I don't dance," I replied. I hope I sounded firm and final because there was no way I was making a complete jackass of myself on the dancefloor.

"Then who is Edward going to dance with?" she asked, taking my pencil away and combing my hair with her fingers.

"One day you will get this thing so caught up and knotted in your hair I will have to shave your head. Now, come on, choose a dress or let me take you to the Mall."

"Did I speak in Spanish or something because here's me thinking I just said I don't go to dances," I growled. "And Jake wouldn't be happy with me spending money on clothes I will probably never wear again."

Rose sat up from where she had been lying flat across my bed and held her head.

"Better Rose?" I asked. She rarely drank and last night some bad boy had taken advantage and dragged her out for 'just one drink' and dropped her back blathered. A night spent tossing her cookies had helped but her head was delicate today.

I handed her a couple of pain killers and a bottle of water and she gratefully swallowed them down.

"See, if you just went out with Emmett exclusively and not all those losers, these things wouldn't happen," Alice said unsympathetically. Just because she sees her future clearly with Jasper Whitlock, she honestly thinks we should all know as well where we are going to end up.

I know where I hope I end up but so much of that decision is Jake's and not mine. He knows what I want and I know what he wants and so far the two are kind of a world apart but once we sleep together, it will bond us, right? He would never use me and toss me aside like he does the other girls. Our fathers have wanted us to get together forever and I know Billy never sees any other girl as suitable for his son in a permanent way. He has always been quite supportive of Jake 'sowing his wild oats' and has no restrictions who with but the girl Jake marries will be the wife of the next chief of the Quileutes so she has to be worthy and Billy thinks that girl is me.

I do, too.

Now we just need to convince Jake.

My phone buzzed and I took it down the hall to the bathroom to read the new text. Damned Alice thinks she has every right to read every text I get and Jake would not like her stickybeaking in our business.

_You didn't answer, I guess you haven't gotten rid of your problem yet. Bells, don't forget my birthday, it's the deadline. Not ready by then, forget it._

I growled and replied, promising Jake I would be ready by then. I just wish he would talk to me about other things as well. I had told him about dropping out of Medicine and he found that hilarious then growled about the time I had wasted.

Sometimes, although I love him, I do not like Jacob very much.

I went back to my room. Alice was heating up all kinds of instruments of torture.

Rose handed me a long blue dress and spared me a single word,"Wear," so I tried it on. She smiled guardedly and gave me a thumbs up.

I did look rather cool, she was bustier than me but the drape of the top hid that fact and the cut of the skirt was quite flirty. I twisted and the skirt flowed with me and I decided I liked it.

"It looks great, thanks, Rose. I will get it cleaned and return it to you later in the week," I promised.

"Keep it," she growled and lay down again, my pillow over her eyes.

"Okay, Bella, sit here and I will straighten those stupid kinks out of your hair," Alice ordered.

I glanced at the clock.

"It's 3pm, the dance starts at 8pm, 8 minus 3 equals five hours. You are not messing with me for five hours," I scowled. Even I do not need five hours of preparation.

"I bet you never say that to my brother," Alice laughed.

True, we had often spent five hours messing about at night, I can't help it if the man is an excellent teacher. Kind of on the job training.

I looked guiltily at Alice, I know she thinks she has a right to be kept updated but I think we are moving along ahead of schedule and I think the night is fast approaching. THE night.

We have covered everything bar penetration and in a way, I want that to happen real soon so I have months to get used to it before Jacob...

I'm just panicking, I know. He's been with a lot of girls, he probably will not be that patient with me and Edward is always happy to spend however long I want him to getting me relaxed and happy and in the mood where I can't wait another second before he simulates penetration with his fingers and lets me feel as close to what the real thing will be like as he can. He used to use a single finger, then two, now he has me used to three and apparently that's realistic.

His fingers are so long and he can reach places I definitely enjoy him probing, but how much more invasive will it be with his penis?

I am quite fond of his penis, it's very friendly but I have been banned from naming it. It feels amazing when he slides it inside my folds and gets everything awake and eager and happy. He makes sure he doesn't come anywhere near my vagina, we don't intend taking chances, and he has sent me to be put on The Pill and promises to use condoms as a back up so I'm not worried about that part, just what it will be like, feeling him go in and out, presumably a lot of times.

I don't want to come out of this raw and sore but I suppose that's the way it has to be the first few times so the sooner we bite the bullet the better.

By the time Alice has finished with me, I feel like some painted up Barbie doll and I am ordered to sit still and watch my TV and not move, gee, memories of being three years old again.

Rose goes to her dorm to shower and change and hopefully feel better, Alice is off to beautify herself and I follow orders and soon drift off to sleep. Last night was a long session. We came really close to sealing the deal.

"Hey, Love, time to go dancing," Edward said, his lips close to my ear.

"Don't call me Love," I growled. The line, we need to keep that line drawn.

"I can call you whatever I like, Love," he answered, smirking.

"Okay, do you love me? Yeah, Edward? If you love me, you can call me Love, not otherwise."

"I love you as a friend," he hedged and I hit him with my pillow.

"You love a lot of people as friends, I don't hear you call Rose, Love."

"You are special, give me a little leeway," he growled.

"Fine but please don't call me Love. You know one day we will be at Forks and you will call me that and Jake will flip. Stop it now, before it becomes a habit."

"Fine, Isabella, my sweet girl," he said, smirking.

I growled and flounced to the bathroom to pee. I checked my make up, still there, still all painted on, and went back to my room to grab my bag and coat.

Edward grabbd me as I walked into the room and pulled me close to his body.

"I can't wait to get you on the dancefloor," he whispered, dancing us around the room.

"That may end up kind of literal," I answered. "I tend to fall down a lot when dancing. I hope you have your catcher's mitt."

"It's all in the leading and I would never let you fall, Bella."

"See that you don't," I threatened as I pulled the ridiculous heels on Alice somehow thought I could not only walk but also dance in.

Edward lowered his hands to my ass and pulled me in for a kiss.

I could feel his hardness and I automatically started stroking through his pants.

"Hey, later, maybe we can finish what we started last night," he said, kissing and nuzzling my neck.

"Gah, then stay three feet away and stop getting my ladies bits stirred up," I growled.

Edward naturally liked that and pulled me onto his lap and pushed a hand up my dress.

"No panties?" he whispered, licking my throat and biting my earlobe gently.

"Don't," I begged. He stood and lay me down on the bed, legs apart.

"Just let me have a taste of things to come," he smirked and naturally that did me in and my dress was suddenly around my waist as he knelt on the floor and positioned his head between my legs.

I tried to not make a sound, aware every girl in the place was in her rooms getting dressed, and the walls were paper thin, at least the cover of night made one think one was hidden, somehow, but this early in the evening, there were people everywhere.

"Noooo, yessss, Goddd," I cried quietly as he tormented me until I gasped and gave it all up to his hungry tongue. He licked me clean like I was some ice cream cone of the flavor he preferred and I almost started again.

"Stop, if we are going to this dance, get out of my nether regions now," I ordered. I half hoped he would say the dance was off, but he crept up my body and kissed my mouth with his lips still warm from being on me.

His tongue was soon inside, fighting with my own and I tasted myself on him.

"Aren't you delicious, like honey and apple blossom," he whispered.

"Edwardddd," I moaned.

He stood and pulled my dress down and kissed my cheek chastely.

"I just need a minute," he said, rearranging himself.

"Do you want me to..?" I offered.

"No, I want to wait and savor the experience of anticipating what will happen later," he said, pulling me out to his car.

The trip to the dance hall was weird, the air in the car seemed electrified, like before a big thunderstorm hit. We practically crackled at one another.

Inside the size of the place diluted the charge Thank God because there was only so much of that connection I could handle. I managed to dance with a few other persistent boys and Edward kept coming to cut in and 'save me from myself,' as he put it.

"Save me for yourself," I grinned and he moaned.

"Can we go home now," he begged and Alice gave him a slap.

"For God's sake, how often do we go out? Dance with the girl, show her it's not all about hanky panky," Alice insisted.

"But Alice, that is exactly what it is all about," I reminded her.

Edward looked around and frowned and I had a feeling I had hurt him again.

"Edward, is this getting to you?" I asked. "I know we are both wound tight because we know how tonight will end but you aren't getting confused, right?"

"No, my Bella, everything is clear as a bell to me," he replied.

"Well, good, we can't go making this more than what it is," I reminded him.

He pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head, making the foot in height difference feel even more so.

As he twirled us around the room he sang along with the music.

"I hear the clock, it's six a.m.

I feel so far from where I've been

I got my eggs I got my pancakes too

I got my maple syrup, everything but you.

I break the yolks, make a smiley face

I kinda like it in my brand new place

I wipe the spots off the mirror

Don't leave the keys in the door

Never put wet towels on the floor anymore' cause

Dreams last for so long

even after you're gone

I know you love me

And soon you will see

You were meant for me

And I was meant for you."

I like Jewel, I smiled and hugged him closer, he is such a beautiful singer, he should do this for a living instead of singing along with other people.

"I called my momma, she was out for a walk

Consoled a cup of coffee but it didn't wanna talk

So I picked up a paper, it was more bad news

More hearts being broken or people being used

Put on my coat in the pouring rain

I saw a movie it just wasn't the same

'Cause it was happy or I was sad

It made me miss you oh so bad 'cause

Dreams last for so long

Even after you're gone

I know you love me

And soon you will see

You were meant for me

And I was meant for you."

Alice and Jasper sidled up and Jasper was singing to Alice as well. We girls smiled at one another. This was almost romantic, but we didn't do romantic.

"I go about my business, I'm doing fine

Besides what would I say if I had you on the line

Same old story, not much to say

Hearts are broken, everyday.

I brush my teeth and put the cap back on

I know you hate it when I leave the light on

I pick a book up. Turn the sheets down.

And then I take a deep breath and a good look around

Put on my pjs and hop into bed

I'm half alive but I feel mostly dead

I try and tell myself it'll be all right

I just shouldn't think anymore tonight 'cause

Dreams last for so long

Even after you're gone

I know you love me

And soon I know you will see

You were meant for me

And I was meant for you

Yeah... You were meant for me and I was meant for you."

We all clapped and I returned to the table and sat beside Rose.

"Lines getting a little blurred, Bella?" she asked, always too observant.

"I hope not because tonight's the night and I need him to do this. We have been building up to this night for months, I can't have him back out now because he thinks he likes me more than he should."

"Maybe he can't help himself. Maybe you have to call a halt if you don't want this to transcend into one big mess."

Edward came over and I held up a hand.

"Goodnight Rose, we are leaving," I said, frowning at her concerned face. Edward's a man, I reminded myself. Men like having sex, they don't care with whom at this age. He will get over it. He had to.

Edward's POV

I swear I was fine until I got inside her. I was not prepared for the strength of the connection, though looking back, we had been getting warnings all night long. The car trip, when it seemed lightening would appear inside the car if the atmosphere got any more tense, the feeling of togetherness on the dancefloor, but I laughed it off, then that damn song.

I don't, didn't, really mean those words , we had potential, only a fool would deny that, but still, I thought I was in control and could walk away at any time. I had sought her out when she was dancing with other guys but that was more a territorial thing, she was my girl and I wanted her to be with me, not them.

Once we got back to her dorm, I changed my mind and insisted we got to my apartment. I don't live on campus and it seemed like we might need more privacy than her room offered, at least my bedroom has it's own bathroom next to it, and legend has it, we will need to wash once she bleeds.

She can hardly limp down the hall to the bathroom she shares with a dozen other girls with any hope of not attracting attention.

The alcohol in our systems was just enough to add a soft buzz and a bit of Dutch courage so we let it help us as we hastily undressed and stood bare naked in front of one another, as we had many times before. I couldn't resist kissing her and stroking her skin and she turned and opened my blankets and fetched a dark towel, giving me a flash of reality.

She lay with her lower half on the towel and opened her legs and I hovered between them, a place I had been many times before. I had no grand plan, just went with where we left off the night before, rubbing my lubed up erection along inside her folds until she cried out and shook with relief then I pushed straight in, all the way, ignoring her tensing up and trying to keep me out.

"Are you okay?" I checked, feeling her body bleed onto me. It felt weird, being held so very tightly from all sides, and I hoped the blood would act as more lubricant.

She bit her lip and her eyes were huge with pain but she nodded quickly and I took her at her word. She felt amazing but more than that, the charge was bouncing and fizzing between us, along my dick, around her vagina, it was weird and electric and made me want to be in deeper, if possible. I arched and pushed in and pulled out a little and watched her beautiful face as she tried to be brave and pretend there was no pain, whereas I could feel the tension in her body, she was hurting.

"Do you want me to stop?" I asked.

"No, keep...going," she said so I tried. Watching the tears form in her eyes was more than I could take and I pulled out slowly and rested my hands beside her shoulders.

"That was hurting you too much," I growled

I lay beside her, pulling her onto me, stroking her back as she cried on my chest.

"I wanted you to do that," she said quietly.

"I know but we didn't know it would hurt you like that, Baby. Just relax, we can run a bath and get clean and maybe the heat will help."

I slid out of bed and started to fill the spa bath and had the jets on by the time she was there and ready. Lifting her in, I stood behind her and sat her on my lap and washed her in the sudsy water until the blood was gone.

"Sorry, Baby, I didn't know it would be that bad for you, after all we had done."

"Maybe I'm abnormally small or you are extra large sized," she suggested and I shrugged.

"I wouldn't know, I have never gotten that close to any other girl, I have nothing to compare."

Bella put her arms around my neck and lay against my chest and we just kissed for a while, then she turned and straddled me, rubbing her clit on my ever present erection and she suddenly stood and eased herself slowly onto it. Once she was flush with my pelvis, she smiled and ran her hand through my hair and I held her hips and raised her a little, just a couple of inches, then lowered her again.

"Okay?" I checked and she smiled.

She started using her own knees to lift her body up and back down at her own pace and I guided her and gazed into her eyes as she started to enjoy the sensation of me being inside her. One finger against her excited clit was all it took to bring her up to my speed, I was getting there, quickly. She felt so good and I was unsurprised when I lost it and pumped inside her, bringing her with me, that was only to be expected. I had no experience, no warning to slow down, it felt good and I had rocked on until I exploded, simple.

What was totally unexpected and not so simple was the feeling in my chest, like my heart had opened and taken her completely inside and had shut again, surrounding her within me.

This was not part of the plan, ever.

Bella clung to me and for one wonderful moment I thought she felt it too.

Then she smiled at me and laughed.

"Okay, that was pretty awesome. We get to do this until Christmas, right?" she asked, blowing my fantasy and hopes out of the water.

"Yeah, if you want," I said a little sadly.

All those stories about how men are the ones who remain detached and girls can't help feeling something, some connection, just because she let you invade her body, well, it was the other way round for us. I wanted to fall to the floor and cry out in agony, and she was raising her eyebrows and speculating if we could do it again, in the bed this time, now we had managed it once.

She stood and washed herself clean and then me, then pulled me from the tub and dried us both.

This was so opposite to how I had pictured it, I thought it would be me taking charge and taking care of her, and she would be all quiet and shy and maybe even a little regretful but no, Bella was pulling us onto the bed and getting my erection back with her mouth.

I tried to resist, I didn't want more sex, I wanted her to let us lay together, and cuddle and kiss and be a couple, and explore our options, which now seemed to be limited to only one. We had to be together.

"God, I am hoping Jake is no bigger than you, because you fit perfectly but another half inch? No way," she chattered as she sat above me, lowering herself back on my treacherous erection.

She was humming as she slid up and down and she soon realised she could grind herself against my pelvis so she was lost, trying to reach orgasm, using my body to pleasure her own.

"Just like we agreed," I reminded myself as I hid the tears as she brought us over together and fell panting on my chest.

"Edward, we should do this every night," she declared, rolling off me and heading back to my bathroom.

I was glad to be alone and wiped my eyes and wondered what the fuck I had done? To myself, to her, to us? Was there even an us?

The friends-are-us version just left the building. All that remained was the empty shell of Edward, begging to be fulfilled. I wanted her but I wanted more, I wanted all of her. Heart, mind, body and soul.

I wanted it all, and she had no idea.

I hadn't cared that much before, now she was my reason for living.

She crawled back into bed, chatting about something, and I pulled her back to my chest and lay my head on the pillow, my chin on the top of her head and just bathed in the beauty that was Bella.


	6. Chapter 6

Touch Me

Chapter 6

I was so high I did not recognize

The fire burning in her eyes

The chaos that controlled my mind

Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane

Never to return again

But always in my heart

Edward's POV

It's weird how you can be, in theory, doing the thing you want to do most of anything, and still feel cheated and like utter shit. Bella had taken to sex like a duck to water and wanted to fuck every night, which should have made me ecstatic but she never once indicated the intimacy was making her feel closer to me. Just the reverse. She was always commented on this move or that, maybe it would be better if we tried this, maybe she would come more quickly if I did that.

It was more an experiment or a military maneuver to her, to me it was a religious experience that matched no other. Jas and Emmett were worried for me, I couldn't help thinking about my Bella all the time so I had a perpetual smile on my face and my heart was always beating out of control when I saw her, especially if she sat close beside me, and when she kissed me now, it was like I had just had an epiphany each and every time. Like I fell in love again and again as her lips touched mine and mine conveyed all the love in my heart and went completely unnoticed as she pulled away to tell me some vital fact before allowing me to kiss her again.

"You love her, she let's you fuck her, what's the problem?" Emmett asked, genuinely confused.

"She doesn't love me," I growled.

"Oh well, bro, at least she lets you do her whenever you want. It could be worse. She could be one of those snotty cows who ignores all the boys and enjoys their agony," he replied.

"But I want more, Emmett, I want her. I wouldn't even care about the sex, if that's what is stopping her have feelings for me. I would give it up today if it meant she would see me as a contender for her heart."

"Maybe she just isn't as transparent as you, Eddie. You wear your heart on your sleeve, maybe she loves you too and hides it."

"Nope, she chatters non stop about that fucking Jake," I growled. "Jake is amazing, and wonderful and can do no wrong. That douche refused to sleep with her until someone else took her virginity, he didn't want to be bothered coping with a virgin. Poor little Jakey. Now I have fallen into his trap and done that for him and left the way clear for him to swoop in and take her back and leave me with nothing."

"She going home this weekend for Charlie's birthday?" Emm asked.

"Yes, how convenient. I got her problem cured just in time for her to be able to move everything forward. She was aiming to offer herself to that douche after Christmas, now stupid Edward takes everything forward and gets her ready three months earlier. She won't wait, she will be fucking him this weekend. Then it's 'Bye Edward, thanks for the education, see ya sometime.' I could have at least dragged it out until Christmas and kept her a little longer but no, Edward is an idiot."

"I don't even see what she sees in him. He seems like a very dedicated player, I can't see him choosing to be with just her, especially while she spends most of her life here at college and not anywhere he can seek her out to fuck. He will be doing all the others while Bella is here, she knows that, right?"

"Emmett, she's a girl. She thinks it's going to be all flowers and bunnies and rainbows and Jake will change for her. We know it won't happen but she honestly thinks she did this for him and he will reward her by changing his spots and turning into her faithful pet."

"Maybe we need to catch him out and show her the proof. Mike would trail him for us and film some skank fucking with him in an alley and she couldn't avoid the facts."

Mike Newton hadn't come back this term, he had elected to make a start working for his father now he had a knocked up Jessica to support. The wedding was scheduled late December and we had all been invited.

"And Bella would be scarred and hurt and and that would make two of us suffering instead of just me. No, leave it, Emmett. She wants him, there's nothing I can do."

"So, you are at least not still fucking her right?" he checked. I knew my brother only cared about me and what was best for my life and happiness.

I gazed at him and he flinched at the pain in my eyes.

"She's like a drug to me, Emm. I can't refuse a single night in her bed or her in mine. I want every minute she allows me to take. I have no pride any more, I want her scraps, I need whatever she offers."

"Shit man, you are sad. We need to fix you up with some hot babe who will wipe Bella Swan from your mind."

"Thanks, Emm, but no thanks. Let me cope my way, please."

Bella skipped over and smiled and my heart turned over.

"Can I stay with you tonight? I've lent my room out to one of the girls who has to share so she can have some privacy this weekend but her boyfriend turned up today, a day early. I have my bag packed, I just need to go collect it."

"Sure, Love, come on over," I replied.

She frowned at the endearment but I don't care any more. She said if I loved her I could call her Love and I do.

Emmett shook his head and walked away and I went along with Bella to help her with her bag. She tossed it in the corner and sat on my bed.

"So, do we do it again tonight do you think or should I be resting for the Main Event tomorrow night?" she asked guilelessly.

I knew she had no idea how much she was hurting me but if I told her, everything would stop and be over.

Forever.

She would never come to my bed again. I couldn't risk that so I shrugged and stripped off, climbing into bed, leaving it up to her what she did. She took a shower and I imagined her wet and naked and by the time she slid in beside me, I had to be inside her, no matter what.

She rolled away and then backed up close to me.

"Try it from the back, we haven't done that."

I wrapped my arms around her and cradled her boobs in my hands where they fit so perfectly and pushed into her pussy, her nice warm, eager pussy that I had prepared for him.

My lips sought contact with her skin so I kissed her throat and neck and murmured too quietly for her to hear the words.

I know I told her I loved her a dozen times, never so she would understand, and she pressed back as I thrust inside her. I avoided touching her clit because it would bring her over the edge and I would follow and it would be over. I wanted to stay inside her as long as I could. She felt so perfect, like we were one and had been torn apart and were now reclaiming our other halves.

"Edward, that feels different, God, that feels amazing," she panted and I shook my head. Why couldn't she see it, we were made for each other? It didn't matter how I took her, she felt it, she had me exactly where she needed me because of the connection. I guessed I was hitting her G spot as she moaned every time I thrust inside, so I made it as good for her as I could, and at least this way she couldn't see me cry, she reduces me to some bawling infant.

Bella clenched tightly suddenly and my body screamed and pumped itself inside her.

We had never opened the condoms, we kind of forgot but she had her Pill and it would cover her.

I knew the last thing she would want would be to conceive my child, and mess up her plans with the wonderful Jake so I knew she would be taking that Pill very carefully.

I turned her to face me and kissed her long and deeply and kept going even when she started to tire. This was probably my last night with her, once she had Jake her education was complete. Sadly I knew if she ever wanted me back I would be there, no questions asked.

I hated myself for feeling this way, reducing my life to whatever Bella wanted me to be for her, but anything at all was better than nothing.

Nothing was the one thing I couldn't face.

"You will still sleep in my bed sometimes?" I asked her, kissing the top of her head as she snuggled against me to sleep.

"I can't have sex with you if Jake is having sex with me," she said softly.

"I know that, my Love, but please come stay with me now and then if you need company. I won't touch anything I shouldn't. Please Bella," I said more desperately than I meant to.

"No, you deserve better. You should find a girl who can love you back," she said, and I felt my head drop. She knew, of course she knew. I didn't try to hide my love for her most days.

"Bella, you are the girl I love, let me have any part of you, please. I can't just go cold turkey. Just sleep in my bed, I will lay above the covers if that's what you want to happen."

Bella reached up and cradled my face in her hands, shaking her head.

"I did this and I knew. I am a terrible person," she cried out and clung to me tighter. "Rose warned me to not go all the way, she knew you were getting in too deep. I should have walked away."

"No, Baby, I wanted to be your first, more than anything else in this world. I love you Bella but that's my problem, not yours. You made it clear from the start you loved him and there was nothing left for me."

"Edward, don't," she cried and I stopped talking and just held her close.

She slept finally and I lay and watched her face.

When I woke the next morning she was awake, laying there in silence.

"Edward, I have to go, I'm late actually, but I didn't want to leave until you woke up. I'm really sorry, Edward. Really. I'm so confused right now."

"Shh, it's okay, I'm a big boy and I will survive. I just want to say one thing. You deserve better than Jacob Black. I know you think he loves you but nothing indicates that's true, Bella. I know I'm not even in the running but I would rather see you with any decent guy than with Jake. You can do better. Listen to him, watch him, you know how a man in love adores a woman, look for the look you see in my eyes in his. The eyes say it all, Bella. They can't lie. Come on, I'll take you to the airport."

She dressed fast and I was secretly glad my semen was still inside her. I hoped Jake met her at the airport and smelt me on her. I grinned at the idea.

She wasn't too late, and I even got a long kiss before she dashed to her gate and disappeared.

I bought breakfast and ate it without appetite and read a newspaper, like all the other sad and lonely single men in the eatery. We all looked the same, scruffy, nobody to make an effort for.

I left a tip and walked back to my car and headed home to lay in my bed and try to detect her scent if it lingered.

Alice burst in the door an hour later.

"God Edward, let me strip your bed, it smells like a brothel in here."

"That's how I like it," I answered.

"Go, get in the shower and wash her off you. You can't wallow. I promised Bella I wouldn't let you sulk in here all weekend. Come on, we are going out as soon as you clean yourself up and get dressed."

My dirty clothes were whisked away while I showered so I had no choice other than to wear clean clothing. My sheets were gone and I sat on the cleanly remade bed and said a silent goodbye to my Bella. She wouldn't be back. She would be back here at college but she would never be back here, where I needed her.

X~x~X

Somehow the weekend passed but I didn't feel any sense of relief that it was over. I knew she wasn't coming back. It was like I read her mind. I don't remember exactly what we did. There was alcohol at night and I slept the sleep of the drugged. My sister and brother and my friends refused to leave me alone, at all. They didn't push me to join in and I lay on Ali's sofa as they played cards and the girls won all the boys week's drinking allowance.

"Shoe fund," Alice said, dropping her winnings into a jar and screwing the top shut.

She made dinner and I ate whatever she served. I think it was chicken.

Alice frowned at her cell Sunday night and passed it to Rose who looked furious.

"What's happened?" I asked, finally stirred enough to care about what was going on around me.

"Jake's convinced Bella to finish her course at Community College. She isn't coming back here. She wants Alice to pack her stuff up and send it to her."

"I'll do it," I said. It was worth spending a few hours in her dorm room, saying goodbye to it.

I had some great memories of nights spent in that room. I was going to miss it.

X~x~X

It's strange how the world ignores your pain and keeps turning. Nobody cut me any slack, I still had to make an effort in class and keep my grades up and at least studying gave me something to do. The Christmas break was drawing closer and I was sort of glad now the split had already happened and was not too raw and new and devastating now as it would have been had she stayed the extra three months. If nobody mentioned her name, I almost got through the day without having to go off alone to mourn my loss.

Bed was too horrible and cold and empty to contemplate, I slept on the sofa or the floor.

Alice made my makeshift bed most days and fed me because I think she knew I was beyond caring about food and clean clothes so she played Mother and ordered me around in the same manner Esme had when I was an actual child, not an adult acting like one.

"Mike and Jess's wedding," Alice said, passing me a card to sign along with her and Jasper's signatures.

"I can go buy them a present of my own," I said and walked to the car. I hadn't been near the shops in months and it was a change. I bought whatever appealed to me. A pretty blue nightdress that looked like Bella. A hairbrush and mirror set I knew she had admired once. I had no idea how I would give them to her. Maybe I could sneak in and leave them under her tree, she was bound to have it up and decorated by now.

I asked a sales assistant to choose me a wedding gift and wrap it, and I paid whatever she decided was the total and went to my car.

A tattoo parlour had recently opened so I bought myself a present. So sue me. I got a heart with Edward Loves Bella on it, over my own heart. If I can live with it, so can everyone else.

"So, how long have you and Bella been together?" the artist asked.

"Forever," I said with a smile.

Alice didn't throw the expected fit, she just sighed and read the after care instructions and made sure I followed them.

X~x~X

Arriving home in Forks just hours before the ceremony meant there was no time to be searching for Bella. My parents were attending the wedding too so we all caught up as we rushed from shower to clothing laid out by Alice and finally we were at the church and Mike was as nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof.

Eric and Tyler were his attendants and they larked around until we were all ushered inside. Charlie was sitting alone, so I sat down beside him.

"Edward," he said, looking pale and defeated. I knew how that felt but even so, I was not prepared for the sight of my beautiful Bella as she preceded Jess down the aisle, dressed in a shade of blue that should make her skin look like cream. I gasped at her appearance. She was so very pale and the purple lines under her eyes resisted being hidden by make-up.

She smiled weakly at me but her eyes turned to the floor as if she was ashamed to even look my way.

I wanted to leave my seat and go hug her. She looked so lost, so sad, and she was much too thin. How could she have changed so much in such a short time?

Charlie coughed and I turned to him.

"Is Bella all right, Charlie?" I asked quietly

"In a manner of speaking. You will hear no doubt. Jacob Black got her pregnant then did a runner. She refuses to have an _abortion," _he whispered the word.

"How pregnant is she?" I asked hopefully. Say four months.

"Only just, it's so pointless. He won't be back and Billy will demand the baby be raised on the Res when he finds out about it. It's a Hell of a mess, Edward. It would be one thing if Jake wanted it, but he made it very plain he has no interest in that baby. Neither does his _wife._"

"He's married? I can't believe Bella would.."

"Oh no, she didn't. He got married the day Bella told him she was pregnant. Just what she hoped he would do, only he married Leah Clearwater."

"How pregnant?" I pushed.

"Ten weeks," he replied. "God, I wish I could say four months and know you would be there for her."

"You know?" I said, surprised.

"Oh yes, she wouldn't let Jacob have to cough to having deflowered her, Edward. She's all about protecting that rat and making him as pure as the driven snow. I wish she had just..you know. Never told me."

"Why is she having it?" I asked. It seemed kind of desperate.

"She wants it, Edward. She wants Jacob's baby. She's not only having it, she plans to keep it. Give up her whole future for the child of a man who used her and ran."

Bella was lined up outside the church with Lauren, the other bridesmaid I had failed to even notice, not that I could have described even the bride and I walked up behind her and put my arms around her waist.

"Edward", she smiled and lay her head on my shoulder. Her eyes brimmed with tears.

I think I knew in that moment what I was going to do. She was my Bella, I couldn't abandon her.


	7. Chapter 7

**THANKS so much for reviews, because I dont get notified, I find them here in big batches, too many to answer but I appreciate every single one, believe me, my lovely readers! You keep me writing when I should be doing work.**

Touch Me

Chapter 7

"So, what little mess have you gotten yourself into?" I asked as Bella turned and put her arms around my neck. I kissed her cheek and wiped away her tears and she shook her head.

"I'm an idiot but I think you knew that before I did," she answered sadly.

"Why are you having it, Baby? Is it worth the pain?" I questioned.

"I guess time will tell. I'm not a complete moron, I know he isn't coming back but I can't just have it...erased. It's my mistake and I will pay for it, nobody else."

"Let me help you," I pleaded. "We were good together, we could do this as a team, Bella."

"No," she said, stepping back horrified.

"Do you hate me that much?" I asked, shocked.

"No, Edward, of course I don't hate you, but this is not your problem, it's mine. 100% mine. You are not wasting your life on me. You deserve a decent wife not some idiot who tosses her life away on a man she should never have looked at."

"Do you still love him?" I asked and held my breath.

"I have to Edward, do you understand? If I didn't it would all be for nothing. All a complete waste. I know it's not real love but my pride insists I did it for love and I can't just admit Jake is not who I imagined. Reality sucks. I hate myself enough already."

"We need to talk, can we leave?" I asked, lifting a stray lock of tired brown hair from her cheek and putting it behind her ear.

"I guess I could plead morning sickness, nobody will care if I am not at the reception. The official photos were done weeks ago, Jess didn't want to look pregnant in them so they mocked up a wedding before she was showing and we spent that day pretending it was this day. I wasn't pregnant then," she added sadly. "If I could turn back time I would, believe me."

I led her to my car and waved at Charlie, who stood with his hands in his pockets and nodded acknowledgement that he knew we were going. I noticed he looked kind of hopeful and in that single second I knew I had his approval. He would be on my side, he would give his permission for me to marry his lost and troubled little girl.

I drove us to my meadow, a place I consider sacred and had never taken anyone before but this is my Bella. She is my future and if she brings a little passenger on that trip, so be it. This baby is Bella's baby. First and foremost this baby is the child of the woman I love. Whoever fathered it is irrelevant. He doesn't want it, well I do.

I spread out Esme's picnic blanket on the grass and pulled Bella down beside me.

"This place is perfect, Edward, so beautiful," she sighed and lay with her head on my chest.

I took advantage and put my arms around her and felt my heart thaw out and start to beat again. I was with my Bella so all was right with the world.

"What's your plan?" I asked, playing with a strand of her hair. Even her hair looked sad and tired.

"I guess I will get a job and support myself and the baby. The diner needs staff, I can do night shifts and leave the baby with my Dad. It will soon sleep through the night and he just has to be in the house with it. Jake refuses to acknowledge it is his and wants nothing to do with it, ever, he says. I don't know if he will change his mind. I fear he won't because of Leah."

"Does he love Leah?" I asked her softly. This had to be cutting through her heart like a knife but I had to know exactly how the land lay. What I was up against.

"He says he does. She's..."

"She's what? Bella, tell me everything, please. It's way past the point of keeping anything from me."

Bella rolled onto her stomach and faced me.

"She's pregnant. Her baby is due days before mine. He wants THAT baby, it's this one he despises and hates. He wants that baby because it's Leah's."

"Did you know he was with Leah?" I asked apprehensively. She wouldn't be the first girl who thought she could lure a man away from his girlfriend with sex.

"I knew he was with a lot of girls, I didn't know at first any were more special than the others. His reputation around town certainly didn't indicate he was in love. It was a total shock to me when I found out about Leah."

"Bella, you were on the Pill. I mean, we never took additional precautions and we had a lot of sex. How did this happen?"

She sat up and turned away from me.

"Bella? You did this on purpose?" I cried in horror.

"I wanted him to choose me. We had been...dating...I guess, and he would stand me up some nights because he was with her. I thought we were pretty evenly matched so I decided to tip the scales in my own favor and I had no idea she had the same strategy. Jake was furious with me and tried to force me to...go...to a place. He was thrilled with Leah, her baby is wonderful, it's mine that doesn't deserve to live."

I sat up and pulled her in close and held her.

"Your baby is special and will be beautiful and loved, Bella. You know that, you love her already. You refused to let anyone take her away so you must love her."

"I do," she whispered, and her fingers touched her belly.

I lay my hands on top of hers and held the baby safely.

"WE can do this. This baby deserves a chance in life and you owe her a home with a real father and mother and a chance to grow up in a family. I want to be her Dad, Bella. Please let me."

She shook her head.

"You do not deserve this, this half love thing. You love me, I know that, Edward, even though I do not deserve it but I don't love you nearly as much as you love me and it would never be fair on you."

I smirked. All I heard was that she didn't love me AS MUCH as I loved her, so , she did love me.

"I'm an adult and I get to make choices and I want to be this baby's father. I want to marry this baby's mother and wait, is that the baby talking?"

I lay Bella down and gently placed my ear on her belly.

"The baby says...oh, she wants me to be her Dad...she thinks we make a really cute couple...she wants a Porsche for her 18th birthday...she says Alice can dress her however she wants until she turns 10...oh, and she loves you, Bella. She is glad you are her Mom and you will do what's right and best for her."

I sat up and smiled at my girl.

Bella lay still and stared at the sky.

"Hey, do you have any better offers?" I asked her.

She shook her head.

"Then I think you should say yes and marry me and live happily ever after."

"Nope," she said, sitting up, brushing her long hair away from her face. "This would be wrong, for you I mean. It would be easy and kind of perfect for me but I cannot just marry you because it would be the answer to everything. You deserve a proper wife who loves you best and a proper baby that belongs to you."

"Maybe we could have one of those in the future? I would never love another baby more than this one, believe me. This is your baby, Bella, you are her mother. That makes her the most precious child on this planet to me. I want her and I want you and I think deep down you know you do love me and it's only a matter of time before that truth implodes in your head. You are too full of him and his bullshit imitation love to recognise what I am offering. Real love, Bella, real forever love."

"Everyone would hate me and say I took advantage of your feelings for me."

"I want you to, woman. I want you to give me a chance to prove how much I love you. I would take you any way I could, Bella. If you had married Jacob I would be hanging around the outskirts of your life, waiting and watching, hoping he would stuff up and have to let you go and I would be there, ready to take you and your ten little Indian babies into my house and raise them with you."

"Edward, I truly don't deserve you."

"I don't care. Say you will think about it. Please, for me?"

"Fine, okay, I will think about it."

"Okay then, what type of wedding do you want? Big and flashy, small and intimate, church, registry office, celebrant on the beach?"

"I said I would think about it," she growled.

"Then you need to think about what type of wedding because I am cool with whatever you want."

"How about we talk to our families and see what they think? If everyone hates the idea, it will be hard to live with, Edward. Your parents will not want their first grandchild to be a Quileute."

"My parents love all babies and they get on well with the Quileute's, what do you mean?"

"It would be different if it was, say, Mike's baby, nobody would point the finger and know this baby is not yours. If it's mine, and it's half Quileute, then it can't be yours."

"Bella, if we adopted a baby from China or wherever, nobody would think any less of us or the baby and they would know it wasn't biologically ours. Biology doesn't matter. People will always point the finger at others because they hope by highlighting someone else they will distract you from their own imperfections. I could not care less what anyone thought about me, I care nothing for the opinion of others, particularly strangers. Anyone suggests I do not love this child and accept her as my own, then they better say it to my face."

"How can you love someone else's baby?"

"Easy, because I love her mother and she is part of that woman. You would not be fighting me like this if she was born and say, three years old, would you? You would accept I could love her and not keep throwing up roadblocks so stop it now. It's better this way. She will only ever know me as her father. Isn't that better for her, less confusing? We can tell her the truth one day but the truth will always be, that I chose to be her father. I wanted her from the day I knew she existed and I will be the one changing her diapers and warming her bottles and taking her to school, I will be her father. He will be merely the sperm donor. That's all he is, Love, that's all, no more. We would hardly be the first couple in history to raise a baby not strictly of our own making together."

Bella lay beside me and I let her get lost inside her own head for a while, while she struggled to know what to do for the best. The idea of her working nights in the diner and minding the baby by day, Charlie doing night shift with an infant...it was too hard all round. She could have a husband, a partner, someone who loved her and wanted her and wanted this baby for his own. I had to be the better choice.

X~x~X

One of the many reasons I know I am blessed to have the parents I do, is because they both trust me to make the right decisions for myself and don't bother trying to 'make me see sense' and such. Carlisle patted me on the back and wished us all the best, and asked Bella about her absent mother, just a general, "how is Renee these days?" question. My mother was delighted, she knew everything already from Alice because some daughters feel it is their scared duty to repeat everything to their mothers, and the fact Bella was pregnant was wonderful, even though Bella wanted it made clear I was not the one who put that baby inside her.

"I'm sure he tried his best to, dear, and I'm sure you will have another baby in the future, with copper hair and green eyes. We shall enjoy the experience of becoming grandparents, though I'm sure Carlisle thinks he is way too young for that title! He will be trying out all kinds of alternative names, and give in the moment your baby calls him "Pa". Men are funny like that. They think they control the world until a pretty girl or a beautiful baby winds them around their little finger, then they are putty."

Bella was gobsmacked at their reactions, not a single word of caution or 'have you thought this through, son?' or maybe she even expected them to tell me not to do this. My parents know me well and they know I think everything through, from every angle and if this was not right for me, I would never have suggested it. Not only that, if I changed my mind I would have spoken up by now and rescinded the offer. The fact I was keen as mustard to do it told them all they needed to know.

Esme discussed things like whether Bella would want the traditional pink or blue colored baby clothes or did she prefer the more modern unisex items, and her thoughts on traditional family names, that threw Bella for a loop. She looked at me and creased her forehead, clearly saying,"Doesn't she get it, this baby is not a Cullen."

"This baby will be a Cullen, the minute it's born," I reminded her.

Alice and Jasper arrived back from wherever they spent last night and Alice had a million ideas for the nursery, and she and Esme went off on a tangent about the practicability of converting a guestroom or a study to a nursery in the family home for when we visited, so it was all about which facing walls each room had and whether the windows were suitable for nursery blinds and maybe plain varnished wooden furniture, crib, high chair, would suit their decor best.

Bella was so confused and amazed at everyone's reaction, I suspected she had thought they would bury her in the yard to her neck and stone her instead.

She whipped out her scan photos and Carlisle smiled nostalgically, even though he only did the scan a week earlier.

"This is not Edward's baby, we have not been together since I left four months ago. Look, the fetus is only ten weeks along, it's impossible to be his," she said, and Esme admired the photos and smiled at her sadly, as if she were the one who didn't get it.

"It's Edward's baby by choice, Bella. That's more significant than if he just knocked up some random girl. He's choosing to father your child. He loves you and sees this little child as a bonus. Don't spoil his buzz, there's a good girl."

Bella gave up and from then on, she made a point of calling the baby "Edward's baby by choice" and she earned some warm smiles for her efforts.

I knew my mother was sold when she pulled my Bella aside and took her for a walk in the garden. She was going to hear "The Story" that my family kept pretty much between ourselves. I hadn't told Bella because it was not my story to tell.

"Bella, dear, I understand your situation better than you realise. You must have looked at Emmett and looked at Edward, and realised those boys look nothing alike. If a stranger had to guess, I'm sure he would think Jasper was Edward's brother before even considering Emmett may be. I was married before and my husband died, leaving me a young, pregnant widow. I had no idea how I could cope with being a single mother and I revealed my thoughts to a handsome young doctor who was monitoring my pregnancy."

"Carlisle?" Bella asked, stunned.

"Carlisle. He suggested another possibility and I accepted a date with him, and after a few weeks, I knew he was sincere, and he did love me. He had set a broken leg I had when I was a college student and he was just an intern, and I had no idea he even liked me. We hung out with the same crowd and knew each other casually. He knew I was married, so he never made a move on me and then he was happy to be helping me through my pregnancy and suddenly my husband was dead and I was alone.

I have never regretted marrying him, Bella. It took time for my feelings to match his. I still loved my first husband, death does not erase those feelings but I loved Carlisle a little as well and in time, those feelings grew and overtook everything I had ever felt for anyone else.

Emmett was named for Carlisle's father, he refused to consider my child was any less a Cullen because of his paternity. Once his ring was on my finger, I was Mrs Carlisle Cullen and by default, the child inside me was his son. Emmett knows, on some level but it's never been an issue. He has never asked about his 'real' father because he knows Carlisle is his real father, in every way. We would have only gone into it had Emmett had a health issue that necessitated information about his biological heritage.

So what Edward wants is not shocking or terrible to us. He is making his family with the girl he loves. Don't expect us to be shocked or upset, families are made in all sorts of ways."

Bella came inside and sat herself on my knee and I smiled at Esme and she winked at me.

After dinner, I took Bella upstairs and undressed her and put my largest High School team Tshirt on her small body that needed feeding up, and lay beside her in my bed.

She was thinking constantly, shaking her head in disbelief at times, but I knew she was thawing and coming around to the idea.

"How about we live together back at college and see how things go? I don't understand your need to marry me now, instantly. Why not wait, we can always get a quickie service when the baby is due if that's what we decide. I want you to have more time, to think and be sure."

"I won't change my mind," I promised her.

She smiled a 'we'll see' smile and I accepted what she offered. Maybe it was a good idea, seeing if we made a good bona fide couple. Maybe it wouldn't be right for her. I was sure it was what I wanted but I was only half of this relationship.

I took my Tshirt off and she frowned then laughed at my tattoo.

"Edward, you will be the death of me," she grinned and traced her finger around our names.


	8. Chapter 8

Touch Me

Outtake

Jacob Black

Bella Swan, now there's a delectable thought. I wanted her since puberty hit but there was no way in hell I was being her first and defiling her because Charlie would take that as a marriage proposal. I had rebuffed her time and time again and she finally got the message. Let some other bastard carry that guilt. I still want her, don't get me wrong and being her first would have been kind of nice, special. She is special but alas, she is not what I need.

My Mom died when I was ten years old and the one thing I got from her was the deep belief that the next Chief of the Quileute tribe was to be of pure Quileute blood.

I am not about to marry a 'paleface' and dilute our heritage like that, it would be a blasphemy and why my father does not see it that way annoys and amazes me. He thinks if I married, say for example, Isabella Swan, and we had a child, it would forge a stronger bond between the two communities and we could all let the boundary between our lands disappear and become one.

We would be a blended town with Quileutes living near the schools and shops and offices, the Quileute school would close and the students mingle with those of Forks schools and our traditions would be diluted and lost, commercialised, bastardised for all time.

Feeling this way meant there never was a chance for Bella and I , so I dismissed her from my mind and concentrated on the girls here on the Res.

I think I loved Leah from when she was maybe twelve years old and she was, as it turned out, the best match for me, because her great grandfather was second only to my great grandfather. We were meant to be and I watched in horror when she became engaged to Sam Uley.

I knew they were dating and I had the occasional date with Leah myself but she rejected the idea we needed to be together and marry at the earliest opportunity.

When Leah's cousin Emily was orphaned and sent here to live with her Aunt Sue and Uncle Harry Clearwater, the shit hit the fan. Sam was besotted from the first time he laid eyes on her and their romance was the worst kept secret on the Res. Leah was the only one not aware of what was going on and then the day came that it was exposed and out in the open.

Sam and Emily had snuck off into the forest for a little recreational activity and when Emily needed 'the bathroom', she wandered away from where a happy and sated Sam lay on the forest floor, and unfortunately a bear detected her scent and attacked her.

She was badly frightened and scarred on her face but Sam had the animal running for cover in seconds and he carried a bleeding Emily home and that was it, he refused to deny his love for her any longer.

This meant Leah was abandoned, heartbroken, humiliated, and in need of a friend.

Enter me, Jacob Black.

I was the best friend any girl could have and in time, we became more than friends and it was clear sailing.

She let me suggest marriage and she was considering my offer, when Sam started sniffing around her again and suddenly she wasn't where she said she was.

Her alibi's were pathetic and easily disproved and so she flung it in my face.

Sam was ambivalent, unsure which cousin he wanted to marry. He supposedly loved both women equally and so the competition began. Leah was hedging her bets, keeping in my bed as well as visiting his and I was going crazy insane at the knowledge he was fucking her.

We fought and I ranted and threw a lot of ultimatums her way but she was determined to wait and see who Sam chose before committing to me. At this point, who should come home for Charlie's birthday but Bella Swan.

No longer virginal, but as keen as ever, she was in my bed and angry revenge driven sex occurred, and I admit, I used the girl. She wanted me to have her so I took her and never denied anything when Leah finally dropped to what was going on.

Then I had an idea.

Unlike the sensible well prepared Bella, Leah was not on the Pill and she depended on both her lovers doing the right thing and using condoms.

Sam did, he knew he was in a precarious situation and he was keeping his options open. I, on the other hand, came up with a plan.

The faulty condom scenario.

Funny how a condom tends to split right at the vital moment, and it would occur the day she ovulated, what a disaster! Goodness, one would think I had carefully charted her cycle and pricked the latex in three places with a sharp needle, and caused it's failure.

Of course she was pregnant and there was no question to whom. Sam was so nervous he always pulled out even with a condom, so there really was no way to even pretend it could be his 'little mistake' and I gladly put my hand up and claimed responsibility.

It was for the best.

Sam turned back to Emily and kept his dick for her alone from that point, and Leah was resigned to being with me and having the new Chief.

Then three days later, who arrives with a smiley test stick and a big smile on her face? None other than Bella Swan.

I made an appointment and took her to the clinic and left her there. There is no way any stray halfbreed is confusing the issue and mucking up my life with Leah.

When Bella came back and said she chickened out of the necessary operation, I knew the only answer was to get married quick smart so Leah and I were before a judge before nightfall.

Billy was less than thrilled but he rallied when he found out about our baby, and he welcomed Leah as he should have from the start. It was a great night, every resident on the Res was there, bonfires, chanting and singing welcoming the spirit of our soon to be born son, I admit I basked in that glory and the next day when Charlie turned up, I found out it was not quite the happy ever after I sought.

He ranted and raved and made threats and had to be escorted from the Reservation, and his friendship with Billy was dissolved there and then.

Billy announced if Bella's child was born first, he would take his place in line and be the new Chief, so the mess is not completely cleaned up.

All I can hope is Bella will come to her senses and get her pregnancy terminated.

I have asked her three times now and she refuses point black, throwing words like 'murder' and 'innocent child' and such at me.

When her child is born, I will be taking control and removing it from our lives, by whatever means necessary. Nothing will come between Leah and I and our new son. He will take his place as the rightful chief.

Any child Bella's produces will be raised on another Res, with foster parents of my choosing and he can be integrated back into the tribe at puberty and become the second son.

Bella can have her fantasy that she will keep and raise the baby herself but that will not be happening. Even a part Quileute deserves a better life than the greedy, grasping way of life the palefaces lead, where consumerism rules and money is their God. He will be better off with 'family'. She will come to understand this.

Being so obsessed with me as she is, she will stay around until the birth and then I will take possession of the child and remove it from this state. Quileute law is stronger than white man's law to us, they can look but they will never find him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Funny story, they announced Reese Witherspoon is coming to Australia with RPatz, my husband is a huge fan of hers, and now he is complaining because I didn't buy tickets to the premiere! LOL. I bet not too many women get yelled at for not stalking RPatz! (I would have bought tickets if I knew she was coming, she's my fav actress too.)**

Touch Me

Chapter 9

Ownership

Edward's POV

Bella was a little skittish and nervous and clearly wanted to leave Forks once she had decided her future. I tried to change my flight booking but being the holidays, that was impossible and we were lucky to even secure a seat for her on the same flight. I suspected she was afraid to come face to face with Jacob Black, so we stuck close to her house, where clearly Jake was no longer welcome, or our house, where he had never been and never would come, and the meadow.

I had an overwhelming desire to reclaim her in my meadow, fanciful as that may have been. It was 'our place'. Other people have their song or their story, we have our meadow and one day we will live in that meadow.

Carlisle pulled in a few favors and got Bella transferred back to college with the rest of us but I told him not to bother asking for a dorm, she would be living with me. We can't be a couple and live apart and I also don't trust Jacob Black to leave her alone, no matter what he had said to her. He is not arriving in the cover of darkness and taking her away.

Charlie informed me Jake has always felt free to enter his house via Bella's bedroom window in the past, even as children when they were good friends, so she sleeps in my bed in our house until we leave. He will find a disappointingly empty bed if he is up to his old habits.

Bella spent a hard night letting go of him, and crying into my Tshirt but by morning she was resolved to never speak to him again, she had to move on. My only concern was the depth of her regret. I often caught her staring unseeing into space and knew she was reliving her mistakes and wishing she could change things.

Rose was her unexpected ally and I overheard Bella fretting over what to do on more than one occasion.

"I just don't see how this is going to work. If one of Edward's girlfriends arrived and handed her baby over to us and expected me to love it and raise it with him, I don't know if I could do it. I would be so jealous to not be it's biological mother and besides that, the child would be a living, breathing constant reminder he had been with another woman. Am I a monster to think this way, Rose?"

"Hell no, it would take a better person than me to simply accept a child Emmett had with someone else, always on the cards with that man, and I agree with you. It would take a very special man to overlook the paternity and accept the baby at face value but I suspect Edward is that man. He alone seems capable of doing that, Bella. Edward never bothers to lie, what he thinks and feels he shows and acknowledges and if he says he loves the baby, then trust me, he does."

"But it's a theoretical baby. It's there, unfortunately, and it is growing inside me, but it's not here, in the flesh, looking like his father and gnawing us, a constant reminder of the biggest mistake I ever made. It would be bad enough just having to admit to Edward that I slept with Jacob, God, I don't even know what I was thinking. It's like I was so convinced all these years that Jacob was who I wanted that I felt somehow obliged to myself to follow through even when it was obvious I was nothing to him and it was sheer folly to even think he was an option, a way to my happy ever after. I knew it was wrong and I still did it. I seem to make a habit of that, don't I?"

"Bella, what's done is done. It's about cleaning up your mess in the best way now, not spending your life regretting and wishing for a do-over, doesn't happen. You have made the choice to keep the pregnancy, so just go with it, forget who started that baby and accept Edward with all the love and sincerity he is offering to you."

"Maybe I am making the wrong choice," she sighed and rolled over on Emmett's bed, looking at the ceiling.

My heart missed a beat. She thought I was the wrong choice?

"Maybe there is another way. Maybe I should go to that clinic and end this. I don't know why I am clinging to this child when it can only bring us all heartbreak. One day Edward will realize all this child means, my betrayal of him, my cheating with Jacob, my complete stupidity in rejecting him and choosing the lesser man and worse alternative. This baby is a constant, forever, reminder, and I don't know how he will stand it because I'm not sure I can."

"Maybe then you need to consider giving it up for adoption? That is another option. There are thousands of couples who would give anything for a healthy baby in their arms."

"Rose, once I see it and hold it, I think I will lack the ability to hand it over to strangers."

"Doesn't have to be to strangers. You know I probably can never have kids, with my problems in that area. I would happily raise your baby for you, and Emmett loves kids. This could be the answer for us all. I am only reluctant to accept Emmett's proposal knowing I may never give him a child, and if there's one man who would revel in a houseful of noisy, untamed children it would be Emm. Think about it , Bella."

"But you will be at college and Emmett has years of medicine to go, like Edward. It's so ill timed, so damned unfortunate it happened at all, but especially now. I can't jeopardise Edward's career, and same with Emmett."

"Bella, you forget, I am doing dress design and fashion, it's hardly a course that couldn't be delayed for one day in the future. A baby would not interrupt Emmett's studies. If it happened for us, we would be so ecstatic about it, we would not even see a downside in the timing. If I was home minding the baby and he was studying, what would be the problem? It's not like any Cullen needs a working wife's income."

"I don't think it would work, Rose. I would still have to see it and it would be in my life, as my nephew or niece and that's just too weird. But thanks, I do appreciate the offer. If I go to the clinic, would you come with me?"

"I don't think I could do that, Bella. I want to support your decision but you would be choosing wrong. You can't just kill the baby because it's inconvenient. You started it, you meant to start it, now you have to follow through. It's trusting you to give it life and keep it safe."

Bella rose from the bed and took Rose's hand and kissed it.

"Thanks, Rose. You always were the voice of reason. I believe my brain is fucked at present, all I can think about is a way out, I'm clutching at straws. I want this baby to be Edward's and if it was, I wouldn't have a single moment's doubt or hesitation to want it and have it. I would be out there buying little outfits and choosing a crib and arguing over names. It could have been the best time of my life, instead it feels like the worst. It's all my doing, as you say."

I grabbed her around the waist as she entered the hallway and carried her to my bedroom.

"Bella, you have to stop this now. All you need to do to make this my child is to give it to me. We can't change it's DNA and you need to accept that."

I shook my head.

"This is too weird for words. I love this baby more than either of it's parents. That isn't right, Bella, you have to accept it and love it too. I'm sure it will know what you are thinking, It's part of your body, it must feel what you feel. You need to love it and want it and give it to me. It's our baby, Bella. How many times do I need to say that?"

"You haven't seen it. You haven't faced the reality of having a son grow up in your family, a son that looks exactly like Jacob Black. I see him in my dreams, Edward. That's what I dream about, making a monster. How can you know how you will feel once it's out here and everybody knows you have a cuckoo in your nest? People will think I tricked you, I lied and convinced you it was yours."

I laughed.

"You are a hopeless liar, you could never convince a five year old let alone an adult, and we haven't been together for months. I've seen the scans, there is no hope it's mine, much as we wish it is. We have not made love in too many months for me to be a contender as the bio, but I can still be it's father if you would just do the right thing. Marry me, Bella. I promise to love you every minute of forever."

"No, Edward, but only because it's not right for you. I know it will be different once he is born and you see his face and his black hair and black eyes and russet skin. He will look nothing like you, or me, for that matter. Quileute genes are strong, this child will be one of them, not one of us. It's too hard, I don't know what to do."

"What do you want to do? Really, don't spare my feelings, just speak the truth."

"I want to marry you and have your baby. I want to be with you forever and forget about my moment of complete insanity. I want the green eyed copperhaired baby I see looking on, in the edge of my dreams, while I stand there with the black haired baby in my arms. I think this baby will tear us apart and I can't see any way to stop that happening."

"Then trust me. Trust me to love it and accept it. The only reason you don't love it is because you think I will resent you loving his child, and I would never want you not to love it, Bella. It deserves two parents who think it is the most wonderful baby in the world and we could be those parents if you just stopped fighting me. Can't you trust me to do the right thing?"

"Sure I can, Edward. Doing the right thing is your thing. It's me I don't trust. I tend to love things that aren't good for me, you are the only good thing I ever loved. And look how I treated you. If that's how I love, then I must be a complete monster myself. Jake is a much better match for me than you could ever be. We deserve one another. You don't deserve to be part of this shit storm. You deserve a decent girl."

"You are my decent girl now stop this now. Everybody makes mistakes and you are sorry but it's done. Come on, we are going to the meadow. I am reclaiming my girl and my baby and you better stop all this talk from here on in. It's my baby by choice, you have to love it as such. I won't accept any less from you, Bella. You reject that child, you reject me. You already tried that and it didn't work out so well for you, remember?

"That's the whole point, Edward. I will never be able to forget."

"Then come to the meadow and let me make that baby mine, ours. Let it be conceived today, in love, not hate. Let it become mine."

X~x~X

Jacob's POV

I seem to spend a lot of time patrolling the borders, for no reason. Nobody has ever tried to cross into our lands without permission. It just is important to me, to know I am responsible for this land and the people on it and to preserve it's sanctity for my son.

Walking the perimeters would take months but the one between us and the white man's land is along the river, and I enjoy walking it.

I heard them long before I saw them, so I approached steathily so they would remain unaware of my presence.

I recognised them both immediately but that made it all the more shocking.

Edward Cullen was sitting in the meadow on his land, his back against a tree, naked. Bella Swan, who professed to love me only months ago, is astride his lap and he is deep inside her. His hands stroke her back and face with such tenderness it brings a lump to my throat and I stand there hidden, watching them, watching him worship her body with his. This coupling is so foreign to how I took her, I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy that this man can love so much, so strongly. Obviously he has no idea my child grows inside her or he wouldn't be interested in loving her like this.

No man would.

Maybe she is trying to pull the ten pound premature baby trick but he will know the baby cannot be his when it's born so very early yet so mature and fully formed. He's a medical student but even an idiot would be hard pressed to believe some babies don't take a full nine months, some arrive after a much lesser gestation.

She is playing a dangerous game, one that can't end well.

He rolls her to the ground and thrusts inside her from above, but gently, reverently and it tells me maybe on some level he knows she has precious cargo aboard.

But how can that be? It must just be instinctual, he must not know, not consciously.

He caresses her face and hair and kisses her frequently, declaring his love for her and he lowers his head and kisses her breasts. She is lost, so loving his touch, she is like a stranger to me. She was not like this with me, but then I was not like he is with her.

All I can wonder is why the Hell she ever came to me, if this is how it has always been between them. This is no first encounter, this is a dance much practised and he knows every inch of her, places I never bothered touching, or exploring.

My head hangs in shame that I am not even like this with Leah, the woman I profess to love. The other women have never meant anything yet I return to them and take what they offer but somehow I know those days have just ended because I want this, I want the connection these two feel. I even feel sad that once he knows, this will end and no longer exist.

To my astonishment, he crawls down her body and kisses the abdomen that holds my child, like it's his child, and she is crying and laughing and the sound of her joy fills the air.

She has given him my child, and somehow it's alright because he will love it more than I ever could.

My child deserves a chance in life and he is clearly offering it that.

If things don't work out for them, then I may need to intervene and take the child from her, if he leaves her once it's born but for now I feel glad he is offering us all this solution and I would go and thank him if it wouldn't reveal what I saw and know.

"Say goodbye to Baby Black, you are now Baby Cullen, welcome to the family," he says, rubbing his hand on her belly and she sits up and pulls him to her and kisses his lips.

"Baby Cullen. Now we just need a first name," Bella says and they lay together on the grass, his body caging hers, and he pulls a blanket over them, cocooning her from my eyes.

"Colin," Edward says, laughing.

"Colin Cullen, I don't think so," Bella laughs and I walk away and leave him with his family.

X~x~X


	10. Chapter 10

Touch Me

Chapter 10

School Daze

Bella's POV

Being back in college with the people I consider to be my family is great and I find the old enthusiasm I had for my studies returning. Edward is determined we will be a couple and most days I awake to the same words.

"Marry me, Bella," and a kiss. He then hands me whatever he has risen early to prepare for me to eat before getting up, a simple snack seems to help me avoid morning sickness.

"Thank you, Edward, this sweet roll is delicious, clearly you were up at 3am baking again," I say and kiss him.

"Well, either me or the baker," he grins. Everyone is used to seeing him by now as he goes for his morning run before dawn and comes home via the bakery with whatever treat appealed to him from the window.

"You didn't answer me," he growls, even though he knows full well I will answer in the negative.

"You are the sweetest man in the world and we will get married when this child is a year old. By then you will know for sure it's what you really truly want and if not, you will have plenty of opportunity to back out," I promise him.

I will not make it hard for him if he can't face a future raising another man's son. I see the baby nightly in my dreams, a large black haired, black eyed boy sitting in a field of destruction, bodies laying on the ground. I see different people each time. Sometimes its my parents, sometimes our friends, and because it can't mean their literal deaths, I assume it means the baby will bring about the death of the relationships I have with them.

Edward is never in these dreams, Thank God, I couldn't bear to see him laying there, but also that's a clue to me that he won't stay around.

I'm blissfully happy at present and nothing can interfere with that. Who knows, this may be my little piece of happiness, the only one I get so I am making the most of it. I get home before Edward and cook all his favorite dishes for dinner, the sickness doesn't occur if we beat it in the mornings, it's only if Edward sleeps in and misses the bakery run that I even get nauseous now, and those days are Hell, a whole day of vomiting.

Naturally he then feels guilty for allowing it to happen but it's a rare day he misses his run, and anyway, don't I deserve to suffer? I got myself into this mess and I deserve to have to wear the consequences.

Sometimes I fear I am as crazy as my mother, she always did then thought, I seem to have inherited her impulsiveness. I am trying to be all I can be to Edward because he deserves everything good, but I know I am unworthy of his forgiveness and his love. His love is pure and unconditional and not what I ever expected.

The first time he felt the baby kick, you would have thought he won a lottery. We were lazing in bed on a Saturday morning, and I had just devoured a bottle of orange juice and a bagel with cream cheese and maybe a cupcake, and I lay back against where he was, propped against the bedhead. He slid his hands around my waist and onto my belly.

"Oooh, I think Bella just gained a pound in weight," he teased then he sat up straighter and looked at me with wide eyes and an open mouth.

"Did you feel that? Put your hand here," he ordered and his hand was beside mine and I felt the slight nudge. I didn't tell him I was feeling it from the inside, and had been for a while now. I wanted him to be the first to discover the baby could be felt now.

"Holy cow, Bella, you have a real little person in there. That's so incredible. Oh, feel that? It moved again. Ballet dancer? Footballer? Something active, that's for sure."

He was walking on cloud nine for days and I had more strange hands on my belly than ever before as the girls wanted to feel and even Emmett became fascinated. Jasper alone seemed unimpressed and he whispered to me he wanted to wait until Ali's baby moved, to be the first baby he felt.

She had made no announcements so I just kissed his cheek and winked. I would never tell.

X~x~X

"So, today we go baby clothes shopping, yay!" Edward says, imitating his sister Alice and her love for the Mall. He has already brought home a few little outfits and hung them around the spare bedroom which he is about to paint and prepare as a nursery. He would take me home to Forks and build us a house and take a job so we can be an instant family but it's the one condition I managed to hang onto this relationship. He finishes his course, he becomes a doctor, and the baby and I do nothing to impede that happening.

He loves medicine and I sit in on his study sessions with his fellow medical students and feel a touch of envy, that they could do this and I couldn't.

They discuss the body parts they have dissected and interested medical conditions some of the cadavers had, it's kind of scary how many people die in accidents and such without even knowing how close to death they were anyway due to the condition of their heart or liver or an undetected tumor.

We arrive at All Things Small And Beautiful and Edward heads straight to the pink section. He is so keen for this baby to be a girl and I wish I could make it so for him. The least I can do is let him get a buzz out of buying all things pink and beautiful.

"So, what do you think? Is ten dresses in the smallest size enough?" he asks, and his eyes are begging me to say 'why no, we will need at least twenty, go get more'.

"I really know very little about babies, Edward. I know they tend to make everything damp and they throw up a lot so I guess they need a few spare changes. But we need some practical things as well. Bibs, diapers, sheets for the crib and cradle."

He grins and kisses my lips.

"Okay. How about you go choose all that and I get the pretty stuff. I saw some shoes Alice will squeal over."

So Edward returns to my side every few minutes to compare two frocks, do we go with the pink candy floss dream or the pale blue version and just add a million pink accessories?

Nobody will mistake this baby for a boy though they may mistake it for a very elaborate birthday cake.

"Hey, what if it's a boy?" I say when he makes his tenth trip back to me with a tiny pleated navy sailor frock with a white white collar and a lot of red ribbon.

"This would look adorable with her black hair," he says, laying it gently in the basket.

"Edward, did you hear me, what if it's a boy?" I ask.

"Next weekend is boy clothes shopping day. Come see these frilly panties you put over a diaper, they are adorable."

I guess I am meeting Edward's feminine side today, he is as happy as Alice is when she shops for me at the dress shops.

It takes him two trips to the car to carry everything and the crib is chosen and paid for. I managed to steer him towards a white metal and brass cot with porcelain finials in white with tiny pink. blue and yellow rosebuds on them. Okay, it's a little girlie but he refused to consider the neutral more practical choices and I worry a little how disappointed he will be when it's all boy.

"What's that frown about?" he asks, as he settles me into the passenger seat.  
"I think it's a boy," I say quietly and he pauses and furrows his brow.

"Let's go find out," he suggests. I really don't want to know, this is going to be a hard reality to face when they place this child in my arms and I have to acknowledge he is not Edward's. I was kind of hoping to be so intrigued in seeing what he did look like and what color his eyes were and such, that the first instinct with us would be just happiness that he is there safe and sound and not disappointment at his gender. I have no preference, I have been so very lucky with everything that's happening, I could not begin to hope for a particular sex.

Alice and Rose both pressed me to say what I would want if I had a choice, other than for the baby to be truly Edward's there's a slight hankering for a son. I guess I just see myself more a boys mother than a girls.

However, Edward deserves to get his choice so I am 100% voting for a girl child.

I shut my eyes tightly, and warn the doctor not to use the 'he' or 'she' pronoun. Edward wants to know, I want to wait.

"So, here we see the heart beating strongly. Let's measure, the thigh bones indicate five months and three weeks, does that tally?" he asks, checking my chart and notes that Carlisle sent on.

"Yes, exactly right."

I can't deny there is a drop in my stomach, I kind of always hoped Carlisle was just a really bad doctor and had the timing all wrong and the baby was really Edward's. I know intellectually there is no hope of that, but miracles happen. Though not this time.

"Okay, the moment of truth. If it's male, the testicles may not be in the scrotum yet,but you will still see the penis. If a girl, that will be obvious. Look at the photos on the wall, female genitalia at six months, there, and male here."

Edward studies the pictures as if he has never seen them before, which I know he has. He reads baby books in bed at night, and shows me a new updated photo every week, as to how the baby now looks.

"Okay, Mr Cullen, see that? You know what that means?" the doctor says and I hear Edward tap his finger on one of the pictures on the wall.

"Correct. It's 100% clear, no room for mistake. Good baby, it's so much easier when they present that way, legs apart. So, are we happy?" he asks Edward and I hum, I don't want to know.

"I'm happy because the baby looks perfectly formed and quite beautiful," he says and I start thinking madly, does that mean it is a boy? He didn't jump in the air, he didn't air punch, he is just glad it's healthy.

Edward wipes the gel from my belly and smiles at me.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Bella, the baby is beautiful, I saw the face. I can't wait to hold it and have it at home with us."

He looks genuinely happy. But that's Edward, he could never be disappointed in a healthy child.

The next weekend he enthusiastically chooses little blue romper suits and hats and sweaters with cars and teddy bears on the front and I feel a little sad for him, it must be a boy.

X~x~X

"We need the names settled beforehand or it will end up with something fanciful and hard to live with. New parents get so carried away. Do you know there are actually people registered as "Welcome Baby Darling" and a surname? I would like to think we would be more mature and responsible than to do that but we have no idea how exciting it will be when this little...baby takes it's first breath."

He is meticulously careful to never allude to the gender, not with anyone. It's bugging the living daylights out of Emmett.

"What's your problem, Emmett," Edward asked him once, "Are you anxious to know if you will be an aunt or an uncle?"

Everyone laughed but Emmett looked confused.

"What's our short list for a girl again?" I ask. He wants a decision now, today.

"Emma, Twyla, or Hermione," he answers.

"And they mean?" I ask.

"Emma means universal, Hermione means traveller, Twyla means dancer."

"I think I like...Hermione is too Harry Potter. Maybe Twyla, it's kind of different. What do you prefer?" I check.

"Twyla every time. I love it, and if this baby is a boy, I want to keep Twyla for our next one, because it will be a girl," he says and I nod. So, it is a boy.

I take Edward's hand and kiss it. I wish I could change so many things but this baby should be a girl for him, he deserves that much.

"Boys list?" I ask.

"A boy needs a strong name. I have put a lot of thought into this. We could go the Cullen traditional route of naming him Carlisle after my father, as Emmett was named after Carlisle's father. Or we could name him after Charlie who has no sons. Or we could give him his own name."

The only name I don't want is Jacob. No doubt Leah's son will get a traditional Black name, either Jacob or Billy, I am guessing.

"How about Jack?" Edward suggests and watches my face.

I shrug.

"You choose, I would never know what a good boys name was. I'd probably choose something he would be embarrassed to answer to."

I am not keen on Jack, it's too close to Jake.

"Jackson? I like that," he says and I cringe inside. Does he want this baby labelled after Jake? It could not be closer to son of Jake, unless he went the whole hog and named him Jacobson.

"You choose, Edward. Just tell me the name and it's fine with me," I say and roll away, trying to find a spot that doesn't make me cramp or ache or itch. The mattress feels lumpy and uncomfortable and I know it's really just that I feel out of sorts.

"You don't like Jackson," he says, rubbing my back.

"It sounds like Jake-son," I say and he sighs.

"Bella, I... Forget it. We can think of something else. We have time."

I look at the calender. Seven months and one week down, seven weeks to go.

X~x~X

The next day I feel worse and Edward takes my temperature and announces I have the flu. For the next five days nothing feels good and I roll around and moan a lot but not in a good way. My head is fuzzy and stuffy and my muscles scream with pain.

Rose sits beside me, spooning chicken soup Edward got from the deli into my mouth and it tastes horrid, off, but he is so anxious for me to get better, I swallow and open my mouth like some baby bird and accept the next spoonful.

Sleep is my only escape and I go there as often as I can.

When I wake, Rose is gone and the bed feels damp and I sigh. Great, now my bladder has let me down.

I am standing in the dark stripping the bed when Edward comes in and turns the light on, and I hear a gasp. His face is horrified and I sit on the edge of the bare mattress.

"Do I look that hideous?" I ask and he walks towards me, holding his arms out to me.

"We need to get you to the hospital, you are bleeding, Love."

That stupid song sings in my head the whole way.

_I keep bleeding , keep keep bleeding love._

I know this is bad and it may not end well but there's no point screaming , that won't help. My abdomen cramps sharply and I bend and gasp my waist and Edward drives faster.

X~x~X

It's a blur of pain and lights and people prodding their fingers in places I don't want to be prodded and they all talk loud and fast and my head is having trouble keeping up. I'm being crucified, flat on my back, my arms tied down, my body swathed in blue sheets and Edward is holding my hand and trying not to look terrified.

I feel fine, whatever is in the drip makes me float and feel fuzzy but I am relaxed.

"Thirty three weeks," somebody says and I try to judge if he's worried or thinks it will be okay.

This is karma, this is my punishment for not wanting Jake's child after I planned it's conception.

"We are going to be all right, Bella," Edward says, his lips brushing my cheek. His eyes don't agree, he thinks the baby won't survive this. I wonder suddenly how he will feel if it dies? It's not really his, not biologically. He doesn't look like a man who thinks this may be for the best and my heart is breaking for him and his pain which seems worse than my own. He never expected this, I always knew I didn't deserve any happiness.

My belly hurts and I can feel pressure and then the air is filled with the mew of a kitten and I laugh.

Edward holds my hand tightly, looking down near my feet and he cries a few tears.

"She's alive, Bella. She's breathing alone," he says, I feel more shock that it's a girl than because it isn't dead, not yet.

I look where he is looking, a nurse has a bundle of towels and she lays it on a bench and they crowd around and the pediatrician is barking orders and nurses obey and we wait.

"She looks pretty good, she scored an 8 and a 9," he says and I wonder what type of test she has already had to pass.

"She's very small, but healthy enough. No problem with her lungs," he says as I realise the baby is screaming loudly now.

Edward stands and shakes his hand and thanks him, over and over.

"Come and see her, she will be in an incubator for a while but it's mainly to control her temperature and just a precaution, she looks good."

Edward kisses my forehead and promises to be right back and he follows the parade of people who take the baby away, out of the room.

There's no sound now, just the low muttering of the doctor and nurse who are piecing me back together. They both smile and assure me the baby looks okay.

I'm taken to Recovery and I worry Edward won't know where to find me but he comes in and hands me a photo, his face lit with joy.

She's small, that's for sure, but I can't believe my eyes.

"Is the color accurate?" I ask.

"Oh yes, she is very pale, Bella. Whiter than you even. Her hair is amazing, so glossy and black, they washed it after this photo was taken. She has your eyes, already."

I look at the miniature me. Other than the thick mop of black hair, you would think she was my clone, not his.

Her face is little, heart shaped, her lips full and uneven like mine, her nose just a tiny button, and her hands are like little starfish.

"She's never going to be really big, she's taken after you," Edward says unnecessarily.

"A girl," I whisper and he smirks.

"I didn't give it away, did I?" he asks and I laugh.

"Oh no, you had me convinced it was a boy," I answer.

"You did say you didn't want to know," he reminds me.

"Edward, why did you suggest Jackson for a boy then?" I wonder.

"I wanted to see if you wanted the baby named something close to his name," he replied.

"Why would I want that, when I gave the baby to you?" I question.

He nods and smiles.

"She feels like mine, Bella. I held her after they bathed her and dressed her, and she looked at me like she knew who I was."

"Of course she knows who you are, you are her father," I reply.

I can't wait to see her and Edward brings me to her a few hours later and I see for myself.

The Quileute genes may be strong but evidently, the Swan genes are stronger. Other than the glorious hair, she is me in my baby photos, and her skin is so pale it's almost transparent.

Charlie arrives the next morning and Renee and Phil are there by lunchtime. The Cullens are giving us a day to get to know her before they arrive themselves.

Rose and Alice have been in and cried over her.

Three pounds fourteen ounces.

It's not a lot but it's apparently quite a decent weight, considering her age and mother's size.

She's termed moderately preterm and has no breathing problems and her fingernails even reach the end of her fingers, which seem too tiny to be real.

The pediatrician is very pleased with her and she has some swallow reflex so there's nothing serious at all. He warns us she will be in NICU for a few weeks, but baring anything unexpected, she looks good and he isn't concerned about her.

"She doesn't have many antibodies from you so breast feeding is important and I encourage you to give it a really good try. It won't be easy but it will be worth it."

"What's her name?" the nurse asks as she attaches the "Baby Cullen" tag to the perspex cover.

"Twyla. Twyla Isabella Cullen," Edward answers proudly.

He smiles as he puts his hand inside the isolette and Twyla holds his finger tightly.

"Hmm, the hair's a mystery but she is her mother's daughter. Good luck for next time, Dad, maybe the next one will favor you."

Her eyes betray she thinks his undeniable beauty is a loss with this child not taking after him. I know he is just so happy she is alive and perfect, he hasn't even realised yet. Nobody is going to assume he is not the father. Twyla looks too like me, there's no Jacob genes on show at all, apart from the hair and most of the babies in here have black hair. It seems to be a baby thing because the couple whose son is in the incubator beside us both have blond hair yet their child has hair to rival our daughter's.

Alice smiles knowingly at me.

I nod and grin at her.

"Well done, Bella, way to create a copy of yourself," she says and Rose looks teary eyed.

Renee pushes her way to the front and shakes her head.

"God, I feel like I'm back in time, with my little Bella, just born. She was six pounds even, so quite a bit fatter but other than that, very like my granddaughter."

She stops and gasps.

"Bella, how dare you make me a grandmother at my age!"

Everyone laughs because we all know Renee thinks she is still a teenager herself and this little baby just burst her self image bubble.

"You are such a young and beautiful grandmother, nobody will believe it isn't your second daughter," Phil says and dances her around the room. Charlie scratches his head and kisses my cheek.

"Well done, Bells, she is perfect. The town will be pleased to know she is safe and sound. I had better take some photos to put on the board at work, everyone will be in for a look," he adds.

I wonder if that includes any Quileutes and I wonder what Billy will have to say when he sees his 'paleface' biological granddaughter. I'm doubly glad she is a girl because it lets her out of the running to be Chief. Only boys count and for that I am grateful.

X~x~X

Edward never seems to leave but he must as his clothes are changed daily and he brings me bakehouse delights still, and I eat everything in sight. Breastfeeding is a complete career, it would seem. They hook my breasts up to a machine and pump and give the tiny amount of clear liquid to the baby with a tube at first then a bottle and it becomes bluish white and more plentiful as the days go by.

Edward gives my boobs a rub down afterwards and kisses my nipples that hate that darn milking machine but I do it for her, for Twyla.

She seems to recognise us when we go in the room, she will turn her head towards us and open her eyes as soon as she hears us speak. Edward cannot keep away from us, and he sings to her when they let him take her out to hold each day. It's important she has skin contact and that we bond with her and she is growing and gaining weight already.

There's no doubt in my mind she is meant to be Edward's daughter. Maybe it can happen like he said, it does seem all Jake was is in fact the sperm donor, no more and I am relieved a little more each day when there's no word from him. I don't want him to come and see her, she is nothing to him, and that's the way I want it to remain.

I am glad when I finally get some time alone without Edward, to discuss the baby with the doctors. Much as I want everyone here to think she is Edward's, I have to know she is okay and hasn't suffered from having an idiot for a mother and a manwhore for a biological father.

I'm questioned at length all about the tests Carlisle ran when he did the confirmation pregnancy test and it seems seeing the p24 antigen test and HIV PCR were both clear, and the subsequent tests have ruled out any problems, she is okay. I didn't damage my baby or myself with my reckless behaviour.

The humiliation I feel now having to confess all to this group of medical men I know I deserve and having to tell Edward from the beginning that he had to protect himself by using condoms had been so belittling to myself, I guess at least I learned a lesson.

Maybe Jake had told the truth when he said he always, always used condoms with everyone else but me. I dodged a very large and dangerous bullet and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Of course there was a second bullet where that came from and it didn't take long to be loaded into the chamber.


	11. Chapter 11

Touch Me

Chapter 11

A Test Of Loyalty

Carlisle's POV

When you are a parent, you would do anything for your child, and give him anything you possibly could, especially when that thing he desires is the most important thing in his world. As a doctor, there are naturally laws and guidelines and I am glad Bella Swan is no longer my patient, because that would create all sorts of legal issues, and what we are dealing with are moral issues.

I know the girl deeply regrets her foolhardy affair with Jacob Black and I know she would do anything to change the DNA of this little girl but medical science can't help her. She is fortunate Jake's genes have failed to dominate hers and I idly wonder how the next baby will look. Will it be another mini Bella or will Edward's genes dominate hers, though Jake's had failed to?

I avoided being Jacob Blacks doctor because that would cause a conflict of interests so I passed him onto my colleague, Dr Taylor, and just kept a close eye on his chart as he battled with an unknown virus this last Winter. At first it seemed to be a simple case of mono, his temperature was extremely high and his cell count was erratic but none of the usual tests could pin down what exactly ailed him.

All the usual tests were done but the man lay in Forks Hospital with a fever that raged out of control for many weeks and we even feared we could lose him.

Nothing genetic showed up on the DNA test I slipped in along with the other tests, I was concerned for Bella's infant and needed to know if she would inherit anything that caused this illness but there were no markers, in fact, Jake's genes seem quite healthy and strong and his family history indicates the baby should lead a long and healthy life.

Whether her skin may darken in time remains to be seen.

I had given the baby a full work up and was reading the results the day Jake Black turned up to seek out his child, as I knew he would.

Edward was in the nursery, giving Twyla her bath and Bella was asleep in her bed, still recovering from the birth. Esme was using the digital recorder to film the bath sequence and both she and my son were laughing, happy, joyful as Twyla kicked and screamed and resisted Edward's efforts to make the washing an enjoyable experience for her. Like many preemies, she didn't like being unwrapped and her limbs tended to bounced around out of her control, scaring her. Edward was doing his best to keep her calm and failing that, to get the bath over quickly.

Matron was watching on at his side, giving him little tips on baby care and he was wrinkling his forehead in true Edward fashion, trying to store away and remember every word.

I saw Jake walk off the elevator and approached him so he would not approach them.

"Jacob, you are looking a lot better than last time I saw you," I opened with. He had lost condition and was thin and paler than he had been but he was recovering well, and had beaten whatever the problem was, all he needed was more time to convalesce and return to his former fit and healthy lifestyle.

"So, that's her," he said, not bothering with the preliminary niceties. He stared through the glass and watched my wife and son hurriedly dressing the waving limbs and Edward wrapped her in a blanket and held her comfortingly against his chest, patting her back and singing to her as usual. Always he did this, and always she calmed instantly, as she did now.

Esme was smiling, and a few tears escaped. Our son was a natural father, and he was far more successful with soothing this baby than even Bella was.

I readied myself, prepared to say whatever lies were necessary to make this man leave empty handed.

"So, you know about Leah's baby," he stated.

Despite all the precautions Sam Uley had taken, a blood incompatibility with Leah's baby during the pregnancy had forced us to rethink and retest and it was positive now, Sam was the father. We had successfully treated the condition and the mother had been given a transfusion and several injections and such and the child was out of danger, but it proved the baby could not be Jake's, that was the crux of the matter. He and Leah were the same blood type, the baby's was different and reacted whenever a microscopic amount crossed the placenta.

His illness had left Jake unable to father any child again in the future, due to the persistent high fevers so Twyla Cullen was the only baby Jacob Black would ever sire.

The consequences would be devastating for my son if Jake was not deflected. He was here to begin to fight for custody of the baby Edward was rocking to sleep in his arms.

"She's so pale," he said, opening up the path for my first lie.

"Oh, when Edward was born, we did so many tests on his blood, so sure it was not normal for a baby to be as white as he was. And Bella could hardly be termed anything but milk white," I laughed gently.

Jake frowned and turned.

"But Edward has nothing to do with this baby's skin color."

"Jacob, I'm not sure what you mean," I hedged.

"Bella knows this baby is mine, she came to me when the test was positive," he explained.

I slapped my hand against my forehead.

"Of course, her little period of insanity, where she denied the truth and pretended the baby was fathered by someone else entirely. I won't lie to you, I did worry they wouldn't recover from her cheating on Edward with you. It was a confusing time for everyone."

"Edward was not even in the picture, she had left him behind to come to me," Jake growled.

I raised my eyebrows and smiled.

"So that's what Bella told you. Okay, we can go with that version of the story."

Jake bristled and faced me front on. His six foot five inch frame towered over me but he did not intimidate me. I held out a hand and directed him into Bella's room from where the staff had just left so clearly she had woken and been showered and attended to, they were carrying out sheets and towels and the attending had left as well.

"Bella, a visitor for you," I announced and Bella smiled at me but the smile wavered on seeing Jacob.

"I was just hearing Jake's version of events," I said, hoping she would play along with mine instead and not suffer from an attack of conscience at this critical time.

"Jake was unaware how often Edward came to visit his mother and I at Forks," I said and she frowned and nodded.

"Jake was under the impression you were being exclusive to him when you came to Forks, he seems unaware you and Edward were still working on your relationship and trying to sort yourselves out."

Bella looked into my eyes and I saw the pain and regret and hope that we could do this.

"I always loved Edward, I was confused and behaved in a ridiculous way. I'm just glad there were no consequences of my foolishness," she replied.

Her fingers were nervously playing with her blanket, pulling at a loose fiber.

"You came to me and told me you were pregnant with my child," Jake accused and Bella blushed.

I was so proud, I had no idea she could do that at will.

"Jake, to be fair, you said a lot of things to me that were untrue ," she countered back.

Jake frowned.

"You lied that I was the father of the baby?"

"I wanted the father to be a different man to who actually was," she stated. That was certainly true, she longed for Edward to be the parent even though it was impossible.

"So you tried to dump his kid onto me?" Jake said, his eyes wide and angry."What about that little scene in the meadow when he said Goodbye to Baby Black and welcome to Baby Cullen? I was there, Bella, you gave him my baby."

"I gave Edward the baby because the baby is a Cullen," she stated. "I may have started out wanting a baby Black but things happen however they should and Edward is the father of my child. Have you seen her, Jacob? Not to be rude but have you looked in the mirror and noticed anything about your skin, and seen the color of hers?"

"There have been babies born to whites fathered by Quileutes who never inherited the skin color," he stated.

Interesting to know, hopefully Twyla will be one of those children.

"So, you married Cullen and came clean and admitted the kid was his? After you lied to me and told me it was mine?"

"Jake, I truly regret ever cheating on Edward. All I can say is I was so confused at that point in my life. I always assumed you and I would be a couple and I was blind to the fact I loved Edward as much as he loved me. It was a little period of insanity and I am glad when Carlisle did the tests, they all came back clear and proved I got nothing at all from you. Nothing, Jake."

"I told you I got tested weekly, and I used condoms even with Leah, you were never in any danger. The only thing I could have given you was a baby."

"Well thank God Edward is her father and he knew even before I did. He was convinced from the start, wasn't he Carlisle?"

"Oh yes, my son was very sure. He had us all calling the baby 'Edward's child' before the test results were even in," I said, leaving what tests they may have been wide open. I had been still testing Bella for STD's that took time to show up.

"You could tell, from the tests?" he asked.

"Jake, there are many advanced testing procedures in place nowadays. We can test for paternity if there is room for doubt, though the test is tricky and a little dangerous to the fetus, sometimes it's worth taking the chance. Bella was considering terminating the pregnancy, in those circumstances any test is less dangerous than that."

"So you found out it was Cullen's kid and didn't even tell me. And you didn't tell me you were still sleeping with him as well," he raged.

"You actually forgot to mention you were sleeping with every whore in Forks at the time, who had the worst lapse in memory, Jacob?" she snarled.

Neither of us had actually stated any complete lies, what we had said was open to interpretation.

Jake walked to the door.

"Don't ever speak to me again, Bella. You are not the woman I thought you were. You said you loved me and you told me his kid was mine. What sort of loser does that? I was counting on this child keeping the Black family going as the leader of the Quileute tribe. Now I have no heir at all, not even a daughter."

Bella bristled and I gave her the look. No fighting, no getting upset and saying anything she could not retract. A dose of humiliation is nothing compared to the consequences of her defending herself and telling him the truth.

She glowered at me but shut up and I led Jake out the door, closing it behind me.

We both faced the nursery and watched Edward feeding the baby a bottle of Bella's expressed milk.

"Does that look like the face of a man who holds another man's child? Or does that look like the face of a man with his firstborn and most precious infant?" I said, smiling at my son and granddaughter.

I may not have bought Twyla frilly clothes and dolls and bears but I had given her a gift. I had given her the right father.

"Jake, you asked for confidentiality when Leah's tests were being done. Does she know the baby is Sam's?"

"Not yet," he admitted, shaking his head.

"Jake, sometimes the non biological father can be the better choice of the two. Sam is married to Emily and they are expecting their own child. Maybe there is no point telling Leah anything. If you don't tell, she will never know. Billy doesn't know, nobody knows. It's between you and Dr Taylor and myself at present. What if you decided to keep it that way? What damage would happen? Less than if you revealed the truth. Jake, I saw the gender of the infant on her chart."

He looked at me hopefully.

"It's a boy, Jacob. Leah is carrying a son. Don't you think you should be home with your wife, not gallivanting around the place checking up on old lovers who had forgotten you existed? You were nothing to her, Jacob, just as she was nothing to you. She has regretted ever being with you every day since and it's all behind her now. Edward has forgiven her and she has given him a child, so they will have their happy ever after. Maybe you should go secure your own."

He tore up the Court Oder for a Paternity Test and dropped it into the waste paper basket.

"There's nothing here for me, Carlisle?"

"Nothing Jake, but a woman with a lot of regrets and relief that there were no payments to be made for her foolishness. Forget Bella, she is Edward's wife and Twyla's mother and they are a real family. Go create your own real family. Nobody ever has to know the truth, Jake."

He nodded and shook my hand and walked to the elevator.

I held the smile frozen in place and all but collapsed when the doors closed and the lights indicated it had left this floor.

I returned to Bella Swan's room and thanked God that Edward had insisted she be admitted as Bella Cullen. So long as both mother and baby have the same surname, for reasons of ease in pairing mother with child, nobody cares what she calls herself.

"I think you and Edward should get married fast, just in case," I said and she smiled.

"He bought it?"

"Oh yes, Bella, Edward is wrong. When your entire life is at stake, you can lie with the best of us."

"I had to, Carlisle, I could hardly leave you hanging there, now could I, Dad?"

We both laughed and I high fived her.

Edward opened the door and walked inside.

"Was that Jacob? What did he want?" my son asked.

"Nothing that was available to him here," I replied, winking at Bella. "He was disappointed to find you were Twyla's real father, he wanted to fight you for custody but he changed his mind when we explained how she was a Cullen and nothing to do with him."

Edward frowned and turned to Bella.

"Honestly, Edward, you have the worst memory. You don't remember following me to Forks and trying to convince me in your own special way, to choose you? Boy, sex is clearly not as memorable for you as is it for me," Bella sighed. "I remember conceiving Twyla in the meadow with you clear as a bell, like it was yesterday."

Edward grinned and leaned in to kiss her.

"I think a wedding is in order, we don't want any loose ends."

I picked up the form for certifying the birth and boldly wrote "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen" in the line for Father's name. Sometimes morally is more important than biologically. Twyla is my patient and a doctor always has to do what's best for his patient. That's just the way it is.

X~x~X

**A/N Now the drama's over, indicate in your review if this story is done, or if we want to hang about and see Edward's child be born in the future? You choose, I am happy marking it Complete or continuing. ;)**


	12. Chapter 12

Touch Me~ Edward's Story

Chapter 1

Birth And Beyond

Bonding with Twyla was instant, the moment I saw her I knew it was all worthwhile and meant to be. She was mine and evidently Bella and my father made that even more real when they said whatever they did to put Jake off and send him packing. The truth was, I was the one who wanted that baby to live, not him. He wanted her swept away and gotten rid of, and no father should ever want that ending for his child. He gave up all rights to her when he asked Bella to do that, repeatedly.

I gaze at my daughter's little face and know she was meant to live. How could anyone take away her life? How is it any better to do that when she is safe inside her mother than now? If he touched her now, he would go to prison but he still could have ordered her death without consequences to himself back then.

I don't like to think I hate anyone, but Jake is certainly right up there with people I intensely dislike.

Twyla grabs my finger as I slide her back inside her incubator and frowns as I try to disentangle it.

"Hey, little one, I need to go check on Mommy, she will be awake and need some company, I will be back later, I promise. I will bring Mommy to see you soon."

Her eyes dart then lock onto mine and I smile at her. She was worth it, no matter how she got here, she is my daughter and whatever happens, nothing will change that fact. I know Carlisle would go to court and swear on a stack of bibles that Jake was already sterile when he was...with...Bella. She never cheated on me, she told me from the very beginning she wanted me to cash her v card for Jacob's convenience. She always said she was only with me until he wanted her, and I knew what I was getting into from day one. I had no clue how things would change between us, for me. I thought I would be okay by the time she left, I would have enjoyed my time with her and been ready to move on and look for my One. I had no idea she was my One back then or of course I would never ever have agreed to her request.

I was as keen as she was. I was the one who ended up in a relationship, not Bella. She didn't see us that way until she left and tried to be with Jacob. I guess I have that to thank him for but really, I know I never will thank him. Beat him to a bloody pulp, maybe, but never thank him.

She would have worked it out, even if she had simply gone home to visit Charlie, she would have missed me and come back had Jake not done what he did. Had he not ...been... with my Bella.

I still have a little trouble with that statement.

Bella greets me and looks into my eyes.

"We can talk about it, Edward, whatever it is."

I sit beside her as she shuffles over to the side of her bed and lean against the bedhead, my hand feeling for something to grasp. The cold iron frame feels good, solid, grounding. She lays her head on my chest and my other hand plays with her shiny brown hair. I like that I can't see her face for this conversation.

"I don't know, I just need to know it wasn't...meaningful, I guess, between you and Jake."

Bella snorted and then blushed.

"Jake and I were together three times, Edward. Twice in his car then once I was even allowed into his bed. That's like a high honor, he usually does girls against alley walls and in public toilets, anywhere he can get a slight sense of privacy. Not that he cares who sees him. I guess I was a little special to him seeing he did take me home that once."

"Did you two say you loved one another?" I asked. I don't why I need to torture myself this way but I do.

"I did say I loved him once but believe me, even as I said it, I knew it wasn't true. He didn't bother even pretending I was important to him. He just did what he wanted to do and took me home after. No pretty words or affection. He never even kissed me," she said, her brow furrowed at the memory.

"I told you I was an idiot. Who lets a boy treat her that way and goes back for more? I had this stupid idea he just needed to see I was the one for him, and I knew I wasn't. It truly was insanity."

"Did you enjoy having sex with him?" I choked out.

"Edward, Jake does what he does for his own pleasure, not for anyone else's. It was very 'wham, bam, thank you Ma'am' only without the thank you. I honestly did not enjoy it. It was nothing like..."

She was unsure if I wanted comparisons but it was okay, so long as what we did was better than what he had done to her.

"Do you have any regrets?" I asked. It still bothered me hearing her say that time maybe I was the wrong choice. "It's not too late, you could confess all and give him his child back."

"Edward, he doesn't have a daughter, not with me. Twyla is yours, look at her birth certificate, you have to tell the truth on those forms."

I sighed and felt her entwine our fingers together.

"You are sure this is what you want, right? Me and the baby?" she asked quietly.

"God yes, " I answered, shocked she even doubted that for a second.

"I'm so sorry I spoilt it," she cried, tears washing down her cheeks.

I nodded, I knew that. How many couples get to sleep with only one another, ever? We could have had that, that's the only thing I want to slap her for, she did spoil that for us.

"I love you, Edward, I truly do. Not just because you stood beside me. I love you enough to give the baby up if that's what you need me to do."

"Never," I answered and pulled her into my arms and kissing range.

"I love you and I love Twyla and I meant what I said, we will be alright, Bella. We will be more than alright, we are perfect."

I felt better after that, maybe a little smug even. The man had no idea how to treat women and at least I did, at least there was that difference between us. I hated, hated, that he had slept with my Bella. I hated even more that she had gone to him; from me, to him. I hated that I had not been enough for her.

Given time, we would have bonded more and I'm sure she would have changed her mind and stayed with me, but she never gave us that time. Not then.

Now, it's all in the past and I have to let it go because that's the only choice I have. I can't let this destroy us or besmirch our love. Bella regrets what she did so deeply, I know she would change the past if she could and never go home to Charlie, never stay and try to be something with Jacob Black.

I just hope Bella never thinks about being with him when she is with me. That's what I fear. I never wanted to be compared to any other man and although I think I come up the better lover from what she said, I just hate that I even have to compete.

Six weeks pass before the baby can be released because of her very small size and her gradual increase in weight. They are simply erring on the side of caution but it seems like forever before we get the go ahead to take her home. She has one last check-up, tomorrow, and she is truly ours.

Carlisle is still here, still working as her doctor, and he suggests we have a night out and enjoy ourselves before we are tethered down with a baby in the apartment.

I have painted the nursery, it's all pastel shades of pink and blue and lemon and mauve, and Bella has frilled up the crib and washed all her tiny clothing.

We are ready to become real parents at last.

"Do you want to go out to dinner?" I ask as Bella comes out of the examination room, being cleared by her OB/GYN as clear and healed up and ready for anything.

"Sure, we need to establish a date night and get in someone to sit with our daughter once a week so we keep the romance flowing," Bella replies.

She is serious, she plans to leave that tiny baby alone with some stranger while she and I gallivant around town and eat dinner?

"Edward, we need to be a couple, a strong, committed couple for her best interests as well as our own. Our lives cannot be all centered around the children, we need to be us as well," she says, seeing my hesitation.

"You are right, of course," I reply. I hadn't even thought about that. We do need to remember we are a couple first and foremost.

Bella spends a lot of time dressing and doing her make-up and her hair, and I am glad all men have to do is wear something decent and tame their hair. Bella prefers me with a few days growth, not a beard, just enough scruff to make me 'unbelievably beautiful' apparently, and I wonder if she thinks Jacob Black is beautiful, too.

I need to oust him out of our lives completely, erase him like he never existed. I wish to God he never had but all we can do is move forward and not look back.

"Edward, I wonder those thoughts too, you know. You were Jessica's boyfriend when we started, after all. You chose her, you liked her, I don't know what you did do with her, even if it wasn't full sex but I have always had to wonder if you compare her and I, you know."

She read my mind and I nod and open the car door.

"Jess was nothing, I never even think about her. She was what I hoped was a means to an end, nothing more. I didn't love her, I didn't have feelings for her," I explained. It's different.

"I never hoped she was my One," I ended with.

"I don't know how to make it up to you, I guess I can't, not ever," Bella said sadly.

Dinner was nice, being out and dressed up and amongst other adults was nice but going home was better.

Bella took a shower and I went into the main bathroom to take my own, seeing she was taking so long. I knew she was nervous. I had stirred up old issues tonight and I wish I hadn't but I was afraid to try and ignore them and just let them grow and become bigger than they really were.

She was in bed, naked and warm and welcoming when I got back and I tossed my towel onto the bathroom floor and closed that door, and slid into bed with her.

Bella looked a little teary and unsure but she slid up close and cradled my face in her hands.

"Do you believe that I love you, Edward? I know it's all my fault we even have these doubts and thoughts and issues, but I want to fix us. I want our marriage to be between just you and me , with no ghosts."

"So, you are going to marry me?" I asked, cheered at the thought.

"You are the only man who could convince me marriage is a good idea," she replied. "I was never a big fan but it feels like the right thing for us to do, don't you think?"

"It's what I want, I don't really care if it's what society wants."

"I was thinking of what we wanted. We want to be a real couple in every way, it's just one more leg of that journey, isn't it?" she asked me.

She leaned up to kiss me and I let everything go for now, we needed to get 'us' back on track, and we were wasting time. We could talk when the baby kept us up at night but we had this one night to make love and be together like before.

My hands stroked her back and she put hers around my waist and started to run circles and shapes across my spine and pushed me flat on my back.

I raised an eyebrow and next thing I breathed in deeply as her lips encircled my eager penis and her tongue licked and teased the tip as her hand pulled and pushed the rest of the shaft.

I was shaky in minutes, unsure if I wanted to let go this way, I had wanted to be inside her but that must be the second act because the first act ended with me hissing and pushing down her throat as she swallowed and made the ecstasy last longer.

"Edwardlicious," she said, licking her lips and moving up, squashing her breasts against my chest.

I kissed her for a long time, feeling the connection return, stronger, she was as anxious as I was, and her passion only increased my own.

I flippped us and hovered above her and eased myself gently inside but once enclosed in Bella, I thrust without thinking and paused to make sure I hadn't hurt her. I should be more in control but being with her like this, after the long drought, I was just too needy.

"Edwardd," she moaned so I thrust again and again and ground against her clit so she hissed and ground back against me. We have this dance down pat, I know what she likes and she knows I love anything she does back to me.

Her hands grab my ass and she pushes me deeper inside her every time I pull out and her entire body is blushing slightly pink in the moonlight through the open window. I keep myself raised on my arms so I can watch her face but she reaches up her lips for mine so I meet her halfway and kiss her, pushing my tongue inside her mouth and feeling her suck on my tongue much the same as she had sucked on my dick, twirling her warmth around, pulling me in deep. Her feet creep up my back as she puts her legs around my waist and forces me inside her as deeply as possible and I can feel her desperation, as she rocks and grinds and sucks on my tongue.

"Mmmm," is all I hear and I pull away so I can see when her orgasm hits her.

"Edward, God, Just, God, Edwarddd," and she is over the edge, shaking, pulsing and much as I love to feel her fluttering around my shaft, it's the sounds she makes as she comes that make me let go and fill her. It's a cry, a small scream, a groan, a mew, a mixture of agony and ecstasy, a cry full of love and satisfaction. No fucking condoms, ever again. Never. Just us, bare naked, as close as any couple can be, as I rock on still, not wanting to leave her depths.

"Bella, I love you so much," I cry and hold her tightly against me. "Only you, my love, only you."

I have never spoken those words to anyone else, ever.

She has, even though she says she knew she didn't mean them. I never said anything like that to Jess, I just never even considered I could say those words without meaning them.

"Did you think of him?" I asked, regretting the question instantly.

"Edward, I didn't even think of him when he was having his way with me. It's always been you."

"You cried so much that night, when you came back to me," I sighed.

"Of course I did, I had made the worst mistake a of my life and being back with you only made that even clearer. I was crying for my stupid behaviour, for spoiling us, not for him, never for him. I was crying for us, Edward. I have never shed a single tear over Jacob Black, I swear," she said. "He isn't worth it."

The night passes, both too quickly and so slowly, and Bella sleeps in my arms and I feel better about everything now it's all out in the open. My brother had said I now had a free pass, seeing Bella had slept with someone else, she owed me the same privilege but that had never interested me. Revenge sex was not something I wanted to torture myself with, and I had always been in this relationship so sleeping with someone else was never an option.

I always intended getting her back, by whatever means necessary, and I had been both happy and amazed how willingly she had turned back to me.

I truly don't think she used me as an escape from her situation but even if she did, what we have is enough. She loves me, I am not questioning that, why ever she came back is irrelevant now. She is with me because she wants to be and she wants to marry me, something I truly wondered if she would ever want.

We rushed through breakfast and packed Twyla's going home outfit and went to the hospital a full hour before she would be released, simply because we needed to be with her. Carlisle fortunately anticipated what we would do and had finished every test and check up and given her the all clear and was discharging her officially as we both stood by her side. Her hair was soft and shiny, and she had been bathed already so no screaming today, and I helped Bella dress her and the nurse videoed the whole event, us laughing as we tried to catch little limbs and encase them in pink. Bella wrapped her in the woolen shawl someone from Forks had knitted for her and held the bundle out to me.

I accepted my daughter and grinned at Bella, aware this was what she was doing, giving me my child yet again.

Bella collected all the crib tags and arms tags and cards, everything to use in the baby book, and signed her out. My father came with us, his privileges ended now his only patient here was discharged.

"See you Monday, Dr Cullen," the receptionist said and I looked at him.

"I'm consulting here for a while. I just think my patient needs me to stay and keep an eye on her for the early months, if that's okay with you two."

"Of course it is, are you staying in Edward's guestroom?" Bella asked hopefully.

"We can get an apartment or stay where we are, the hotel is very comfortable," he answered.

"No, you should stay with us, shouldn't they, Edward?" Bella persisted.

"Definitely, an extra pair of hands would br great. I can't miss any more school and Bella is nervous about being home along with Twyla, to be honest," I told my father.

"Great because I was wondering what drugs I would have to use to knock your mother out in order to get her to leave Bella and that baby alone each day if she stayed at the hotel," he smirked.

We walked through the front door alone and Dad had gone to collect my Mom and bring her over, she was packed and ready funnily enough.

Twyla looked about her room and shut her eyes tightly, she didn't like change, did our daughter. Bella lay her in the crib for daytime naps and she would be in the cradle beside us at nights, if Esme ever put her down long enough.

It had been a long time since my mother had a baby to fuss over, but it would be helpful, I suspected Bella would tend to panic at first at having the sole responsibility of a barely five pound infant in her care.

Dad was sure Twyla was normal, just small, and he assured us she would grow, was growing, it was just the way she was meant to be, always tiny like her mother.

"Look at it this way, her clothes will fit her for a long time," Esme said as she stood beside the crib, rushing in without bothering to knock.

"Like Alice will let her wear anything too many times," Bella laughed. In spite of all the clothes we had purchased during the pregnancy, my sister had decided we needed more and I think we could have easily clothed a dozen little girls.

Carlisle and I battled with the mystery of how to open and assemble the pram, it seemed far more complicated than necessary but we worked it out and we felt like spare limbs as the women took over all the baby related duties and left us to it.

"Mom needn't think she gets to hold the baby when I am at home," I warned. I wanted to spend every minute I could with my first daughter.

Mom seemed to realize my anxiety about getting my share of Twyla time and she did the more practical things for us, made lunch, washed clothes, did the grocery shopping so we didn't have to expose our precious daughter to the germy, disease ridden public out there, waiting to cough her way.

I guess I was a little paranoid and over protective but she was so small and had won her battle to survive her early arrival, and she wasn't fully immunized against all those threatening diseases yet.

Bella and I decided to take the baby for a walk in her pram and give my parents a little time alone after lunch and I proudly pushed the pram, unsure if I wanted people to come look at my perfect child or whether I would freak and scream at them to stay away, don't breathe on her.

Bella thought my concerns were hilarious but she's just the mother, she has no idea how hard being a father is, especially of a little girl. She's so vulnerable, she needs me to protect her.

We sat on a bench in the park down the road from my apartment and Twyla started to writhe and object because we stopped walking but Bella needed a break. I scooped the baby into my arms and smiled at her.

"Hey little girl, what do you think of the big wide world?" I asked. She sucked on her hand noisily and Bella jumped up.

"We have to get her home and feed her. God, Edward, how could we not notice it's almost feed time. I am going to be hopeless at this," she fretted.

"There's plenty of time, she's not due for eleven minutes, and it takes eight minutes to get back to the building, we will be right on time," I reassured her. I knew exactly when feed times occurred and would leave Bella a chart before returning to school on Monday.

I had no idea how I would manage to concentrate on my studies again after this little break and rushed introduction into fatherhood.

Due to the break, I had missed only two weeks and had quickly done everything already so I was caught up in my classes in the times I had come back to the apartment alone while Bella stayed with Twyla. It had been weird and hard and like a punishment, but we had to get into a routine and return to real life. I was a student, I had two more years to go, then residency. Now I could see why most sensible young medical students delayed all this until they were done and had the chance to be at home with their firstborns.

That made me wonder about when we would begin our second baby. If there was one thing I loved more than anything else about our childhood, it was having Emmett a year older than me and Alice a mere eleven months younger. The three of us had always had one another to count on, even just as playmates when we were small. We had been so close in age Emmett was only one year ahead of Alice and I. being a girl, she had been far more ready to begin school than I had been so Mom kept me home and sent us together when Alice reached the admittance age. We were more or less twins, always in the same class, always there for one another.

I wanted that for Twyla and to be honest, I wanted a second child badly. I guess there is always the need to prove I could do what he had done, I could give Bella a baby myself.

We would have to talk about this. I know she wants my child and I know she won't want to wait too long, and we have my parents willing to stay for as long as we need them, maybe she will agree to thinking about having a second child close in age to Twyla.

This little girl will always be my firstborn and special for that reason but something raw and feral and basic makes me need to do this, to impregnate my wife.

That's another thing we should do while we have my parents support, get married, arrange a wedding, though low key. I don't want Jake to know we hadn't done that already.

Carlisle was on the phone when we got back and he turned and smiled.

"Good news, Mr and Mrs Jacob Black have a healthy eight pound son and he looks just like his father," he said.

Bella beamed, but there was nothing else but happiness for her friend. She didn't show the slightest sign of jealousy or regret.

"That's so good, now he will never have any interest in our family," she said gleefully.

Let's hope that is true.

"Charlie has been welcomed back into the Quileute fold, now everyone knows Bella's child is actually Edward's, not Jake's. Everything is out in the open now. Jake and Leah have their son, you two have your daughter and all is right with the world," my father stated and grinned.

I have no idea what about, he is a man of many secrets but he seems to be happy with whatever he knows.


	13. Chapter 13

**I can't find a way to check that other countries call redheads ranga's, if not, that's all it means here in Australia, ranga as in orangutan. (Just in case it has some other meaning elsewhere.) Just saw Water For Elephants, I liked it.**

Touch Me

Edward's Story

Chapter 2

Withdrawing from Bella, I noticed a bloody tinge and sighed. Another month, and no baby. This was our third month of trying and I was starting to feel a little inadequate. Jake took her three times and left her pregnant yet she and I have made love a hundred times since the birth and no luck yet. Not to mention he impregnated Leah as well the same day virtually.

I walked into the bathroom and wondered if this was why Twyla had been born. Maybe I didn't have any live swimmers, maybe I was infertile. I showered and heard Bella gasp as she got out of our bed and starting pulling the sheets from it.

"Damn, looks like we missed out again," she said, looking through the cupboard for sanitary products.

I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist and pulled her to my chest.

"Sorry, Love, maybe next month," I said, kissing the top of her head.

She shrugged and leaned up to kiss my lips.

"It will happen, I have no doubts. It's this breastfeeding, I don't think I'm ovulating again yet."

I knew better, her periods were regular again already thus she probably was. Maybe it was me. Maybe I should have a test and see.

Twyla started cooing from her crib and I rushed to dress myself and go get her up while Bella showered.

"Good morning Princess," I greeted her and kissed her chubby little cheek. She may have come into this world tiny and petite but her appetite is curing that problem. Her face is nicely rounded out and she has lost a lot of her silken hair. New growth has started already, you can see the shorter, lighter strands pushing through the longer, sparse black locks.

She's wet and as always tries to roll away and escape when I remove the diaper.

Bella comes in and kisses her fat belly.

"Hiya, Chubs. Oh, look, you are going to be bald if you keep losing your hair at this rate. Fat and bald, that won't get you a boyfriend," she jokes and I slap her ass.

"No boys will be allowed within two miles of this precious child until she turns 30," I inform her mother.

"Thirty, Edward, really? By the time she is playing whatever crap music teenagers will listen to when she turns into one will change your mind. The way music cycles, it will probably be opera or Scottish Bagpipes."

"Better than rap," I answer.

Bella takes over and has the baby naked and in her bath in minutes, she is so good at this stuff and a natural mother. Twyla is used to having her clothes off and enjoys the feeling of weightlessness in the water and now of course, she cries when Bella takes her out of the bath.

Women, one extreme to the other, even from this age.

As she dresses the baby I watch the expression on her face, it's one of rapture. Our daughter is an amazing gift and one we truly appreciate. I have to give her a second child, it's bugging the hell out of me that I have failed her so far.

Bella opens her blouse and the baby attaches to her breast and we sit at the table and I cook breakfast. Bella frowns and I had her a coffee, keeping the cup far enough from Twyla's hands but within Bella's range and sit opposite her.

"I'm thinking of having a test. Just a basic sperm count, see if I have anything..."

Bella dumps the baby in my arms roughly and runs for the bathroom.

I bounce the baby on my lap and cringe at the sound of Bella vomiting into the toilet.

"Hey, how about you play in the playpen and Daddy goes to hold Mommy's hair?" I suggest, laying the baby down and moving her toys to within range.

Bella looks pale and surprises me by smiling despite her discomfort.

"I think that test can wait, Edward."

"No, I think..."

Then it hits me.

"You mean?"

"I had some minor bleeding at this stage with Twyla, I don't think it's a real period," she says and I want to grasp her up into my arms and kiss every inch of her face.

She throws up again, noisily, and I hold her hair up and decide, maybe now is not the time after all.

Sitting around waiting while the test stick tells us our future is exciting and excruciating at the same time and when the time is up, I'm unsure of the results. It's got two pale blue lines on show and two lines means positive but they are so faint.

"Maybe it means I'm just a little bit pregnant?" she suggests and I laugh until tells me the same thing. We have to somehow wait and be patient and do another test in four days time.

So , after three minutes seeming like forever, now we have four whole long endless days to get through.

I Google 'bleeding in early pregnancy', it happens 30% of the time in completely normal circumstances in pregnancies that end happily. I don't read about the other type of gestation's because this is a happy ending pregnancy.

It has to be.

The bleeding stops the next day and for the following days, Bella seems to be forever running to the bathroom to recheck but it doesn't recur. She is as anxious as I am that this embryo sticks and goes to term. I need this so much but decide worrying won't change a thing so instead I play with Twyla and lay with Bella, holding my hands on her belly.

We don't talk about it yet, like doing so will make it not real.

At last, Carlisle breaks and takes Bella to the hospital and runs the proper tests and I stand about like a spare part waiting for the news. They both emerge looking serious and maybe disappointed so I adjust my face, ready to murmur promises we will keep trying and Bella's lips twitch.

"Yes!" I yell and lift her to my lips.

"Damn it, got to work on the straight faced lying thing," she growls.

If she thought I was obsessive while she was carrying Twyla, it's nothing compared to this time. Beside my side of the bed are piles of books on pregnancy and childbirth and Bella sighs.  
"We have done this once before already, you know," she reminds me.

"But this is a whole new trip into our future," I explain. This baby cannot be more important than our daughter, I have to adjust and love both babies equally because that's what I promised and that is what's fair.

"Copper hair and green eyes," Bella repeats as her mantra every night as she lays in bed, rubbing circles around her belly.

"Healthy and strong," I say instead because I don't care if this kid has pink eyes and orange hair. I just need it to feel like the universe has realigned, like things are balanced.

I know in my heart Twyla is my child so why I am so desperate must be an ego thing. I have to produce a baby as good as hi...our first one.

Christmas arrives and we even receive a card from the Blacks with a photo of all three of them on the front. The baby is a big boy, black haired, dark eyed, and wears a bright colored Tshirt with his name, Jacob Jnr, across the chest. They look genuinely happy, all three of them and I wonder how Bella will react to seeing proof of what he has and what she missed out on with him.

"Who is it from?" she asks as I walk towards her so I hold the card out and try to look like a casual observer as she looks at the photo.

"God, that kid is massive, but he's sweet, isn't he? Not as beautiful as you my love, but then, you have the best looking father and Jacob Jnr has the ordinary looking Dad," she says to our baby girl.

My heart lifts a little, we have become so deeply emerged in the lie sometimes we do tend to forget the biological facts and Bella blushes and looks away as the truth seeps into her brain.

"Damn right," I say and lift Twyla out of her lap and up into my arms. "You got lucky and got the good looking Dad."

I love moments like these, when Bella genuinely forgets. It just makes me feel better, more confident that she loves me in a much deeper way than she ever loved him.

Charlie has invited us to his place for Christmas and we have pretty much decided to go. My parents are still here and see Twyla daily, and her other grandfather misses out on seeing her grow and change.

Charlie is thrilled and actually shows a lot of emotion on his face, different for him, as he grabs our daughter into her arms. Outside in the sunlight the red highlights in her hair gleam and remind us of Bella's own similar hair. Maybe the black hair is gone for good? Could we be that lucky? Her skin is still absolutely white with no color and her eyes are lighter than Bella's but otherwise the same.

"So, little Miss, are you old enough to learn to fish yet or do I have to wait until you can sit up alone?" he asks.

"She can nearly do that, actually," Bella says. This baby has grown so quickly and changed so much already it's hard to believe she is the same baby in the many photos Charlie has framed on his wall. They rival the amount of photos he has of Bella as a baby. It's a shame he never had more children because Charlie just adores his granddaughter.

He is happy to see us, that's obvious, but his manner gets more restless and almost like he has something he needs to say but wants to delay as long as possible.

Finally as Bella is writing the list of food shopping we need to do for Christmas day, he coughs and clears his throat often enough to catch her interest.

"Just say it, Dad. Who else is coming for Christmas Dinner? All the unmarried officers from work? All the officers plus wives and girlfriends and kids? What's the thing you are finding so hard to spit out?"

"I invited Billy, and somehow Jake and Leah and their baby are coming as well. I mean, Jake was there in Billy's house, I should have waited. It was all a mix up. Jake said where were they eating this year? I immediately jumped in and said to Billy,'Come to my place, Bella will be cooking and you know that means an amazing meal with all the trimmings,' and Jake says,'That's good of you Charlie. Leah is not the best cook,' and gets a slap for his rudeness.

Then I don't know what to do, how to make it clear I only invited Billy."

"Why is this a problem, Dad?" Bella asks, not missing a beat.

"Well, you know, you and Jake, and..."

"Me and Jake were a mistake and we both know that and it's history. He has his wife and child, I have my husband and son. He and I were friends forever growing up, this whole misunderstanding needs to be handled and moved past. I'm glad they are coming. It will close that door finally and let us all start afresh. Now, do you want the hot meal at lunch or later at dinnertime?"

I'm proud of the way she is handling it but still, it's nerve wracking, having Jacob see our daughter up close now she is no longer a scrawny little newborn who, to be honest, rarely look like anyone anyway. As Twyla sits in the shopping cart, I keep studying her face from every angle and watching each expression she pulls, and wondering if any of them make her look like Jacob? Will he see something in her, even though most people only see her likeness to Bella?

We prepare the food together Christmas morning after Twyla has opened and discarded all her presents in favor of the box one of the dolls Charlie gave her came in. She seems to love the sound the cellophane makes on the front.

"We should have just bought her boxes," Charlie laughs as he plays with her as she rolls around his sitting room floor.

Bella is quiet and only speaks when she wants some vegetable peeled or prepared in a particular way. The atmosphere is a little tense and she starts to speak a few times then stops.

"Hey, it's going to be okay," I assure her and kiss the top of her head. In a way, this is a good thing to have happen, and Twyla has none of the typical Quileute characteristics at the present time so I am pretty sure nobody will come to any conclusions today.

Bella hugs my waist as I pull her into my arms and we stand like that for a while.

I feel her build up her resolve again and suddenly, she lets me go and it's all business again, I'm chopping and blanching and following all orders.

Billy needs assistance getting his chair inside so Jake and Charlie see to that and then, there were all are.

"Hi Bella," says Jake, uncertain how he will be received.

"Jacob, nice to see you. Leah, hi, and this must be the boy wonder."

Billy accepts a kiss from Bella and he and Charlie disappear to into front of the flatscreen and we four and our children are left alone.

Leah is wary of my Bella, watching her closely for any signs that she still has feelings for her husband no doubt so I casually sit down and pull Bella onto my lap. She gives me a smile and puts an arm around my neck.

"So, what does baby Jacob weigh?" she asks and opens the door to one of those 'my baby is better than yours' conversations where the mothers boast about what each child can do so far and Jake and I look on and grin.

Bella has put Twyla on a blanket on the floor and she rolls and grabs my feet and tries to eat my toe, pulling herself into a sitting position in the process.

Bella looks at me and I smirk.

Our baby can sit herself up, I see yours can't.

Of course, I don't say it out loud and Twyla does us proud by managing to sit there upright for about ten minutes before toppling over.

"Boys are usually slower at first but then they catch up when it comes time to walk," Leah says hopefully.

Bella nods that 'whatever you say' nod that takes the smile off the woman's face.

Jake is frowning slightly as he looks over our daughter and he grins suddenly.

"So, Edward, looks like your daughter might be growing some of that red hair of yours," he says as Twyla rolls into a patch of sunlight from the window. "You might just end up with a ranga kid."

Seriously, he has never noticed the red in Bella's hair? His comment makes Bella relax completely.

"I love Edward's copper hair, I hope Twyla's ends up just the same and I hope she gets some curls, Esme, her grandmother, has beautiful red curls. The red hair is a Cullen thing," she grins and ruffles my hair.

From that point on, it's just two families talking together and Jake tells us his hopes Jacob Jnr will play football in the future and go to college.

The women make coffee and chat together in the kitchen and I know Bella is telling Leah about the new pregnancy, but Bella frowns at whatever comment Leah gives to that information.

So, feeling like we dodged a bullet, the night ends and they walk out, Billy pausing in his chair to catch my arm as the other's walk away.

"She's the child of your heart, Edward," he says, and joins the others before I even think of an answer.

X~x~X

We lay in Bella's childhood bed and watch our daughter sleeping in the porta crib at our side.

"So, tell me, what did Leah say that made you frown when you told her about the new baby?" I ask.

"She said she is pregnant again as well," Bella says and I frown myself.

Either Jacob has such advanced healing properties he has overcome his sterility from the virus or...

Carlisle never meant to reveal that fact to me but I overheard him and Bella say something once so I too assumed Jacob Jnr would be a loner kid, as Bella calls only children.

"That baby doesn't really look much like him," I comment and she blushes.

"What?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it."

"I meant Jake Jnr ," I clarify.

"I know," she answers.


	14. Chapter 14

**Until new readers started reading and reviewing this story, I had no idea the final chapter had not taken back when I posted it, when fanfic were having all those issues that time. Sincere apologies. I don't seem to have written an Epi, does it need one? (That would require me rereading the story, I've mostly forgotten it).**

Touch Me

Chapter 14

The Wedding

EPOV

The wedding is pretty much an open invitation free-for-all so any residents of Forks interested in attending are welcome. Instead of gifts, they are asked to bring plates of food to share, and thus Charlie avoids paying out more than he could afford to keep everyone happy. Most of the folks in town want to see his daughter wed and this way, he doesn't have to cull anyone from a too long list.

Of course there is a lot of interest in seeing the Chief of Police's 'little girl' walk down the aisle and probably a lot of the folk are here to see who she did marry, seeing the expected pairing with Jacob Black had no eventuated and he had surprised them all by marrying Leah.

Bella looks beautiful and wears a traditional white lace frock, of such a style that our child inside is not obvious, and although she hardly qualifies to wear white, it's what she always imagined she would marry in, so I insisted she ignore the implied virgin status and just go with what she wanted.

My father-in-law is very welcoming to me, and I think he sees me much as the knight on his white charger coming to save his daughter from single parenthood, and he is generous with his praise when anyone asks about me. I am known widely in this town as 'Dr Carlisle's younger son' rather than in my own right.

Esme is blubbering quietly as Alice then Rose precede my Bella walking towards us. The girls are both dressed in deep blue gowns and Emmett and Jasper have their eyes fixed on their own mates as the girls approach.

All I can see is the vision in white and I step forward to accept her hand from her father. Bella is all smiles and Charlie steps back and lifts Twila into his arms and rocks gently back and forth as the ceremony happens.

I can't wait to hear the final words, when Mr and Mrs Edward Cullen are presented to the crowd for the first time.

The reception is held in the local town hall in order to accommodate a crowd this size and the ladies soon have a magnificent buffet prepared and it's drinks all round as we at the bridal table select our meal first, then Charlie starts the speeches once everyone has eaten.

Many of the Quileutes are here as well, including Jake and Leah.

As my friends and family surround me, offering congratulations, I am watching Bella and I see Jacob approach her and they speak for several long minutes. They part happily enough, he kisses her cheek, she smiles and turns away and comes straight to me.

"What did he say?" I asked her, pulling her to one side of the room, and sitting her on my lap.

"I asked him about their new baby and he told me he suspects it's Sam's, and that he doesn't care. He loves Leah and just wants her to be happy. Sam and Emily have moved to another Res to live, at Emily's insistence, so I guess she knows too."

"Once again just more poof love is more important than biology," I laugh.

"I'm a little sad he will never have an actual heir but then, he chose this path for himself."

"You aren't sorry he didn't choose you?" I check. I guess there will always be a little doubt in the back of my mind. She gives me 'the look' and strokes my jawline.

"Edward, I have exactly everything I could ever want in life, once this baby arrives. Never doubt that. You and I are perfect together, we are the winners in this whole jumbled up situation. We got the baby, we got one another, and soon our son will complete our family."

"A boy?" I question, pretty sure she has no clue what gender it is.

She shrugs.

"I have no preference but I admit I look forward to raising your son as well as your daughter. Who wouldn't be hoping this baby has your hair and your eyes? I would be crazy not to want this one to triumph and take after the better looking parent."

"That would make it another Bella clone," I replied.

Why she can't see her own beauty is completely beyond me. My looks are fine, I have never really pondered over them. They got me attention from a young age and they attracted Bella to me, so I'm hardly going to whinge about them.

But a dozen little girls who look just like their mother would be fine with me.

"Come on, come and dance you pair. I'm sure you will acquaint your wife to the generous benefits package she gets for becoming Mrs Edward Cullen later," Jasper smirks.

"Oh I do believe Bella is already well acquainted with his package," Alice grins. She's almost as wide as she is tall these days, having becoming well acquainted with Jasper's package.

Their wedding takes place in two days from now, so we can't disappear on our honeymoon until it's happened.

Bella is more nervous about being Alice's bridesmaid than she ever was about becoming my bride today. I understand, this is just a natural progression of how things were meant to be, whereas Alice's family circus with be a military precise event with no room for mistakes.

Despite providing the food, most of the residents of Forks have come adorned with gifts so Bella is called upon to open them and she insists I sit with her and try to look excited over every hand embroidered table cloth or toaster.

Twila enjoys the wrappings and sits in a sea of ripped gift wrap, shaking it around and attempting to taste the more brightly colored pieces.

We are staying in my old bedroom tonight and Esme packs our daughter up to take home with her as Bella and I do the traditional leaving scenario, and head for the meadow with a blanket and bottle of alcohol free wine, and two glasses.

I toast us there, in the middle of the wildflowers and promise her again to love her for every day of forever.

We have some busy years head and have agreed to stop at two children until I am a fully fledged doctor and we have a home and I am working at Carlisle's side in Fork's Hospital.

I wrap the blanket around my back as the temperature falls and sit her on my knee and spoon myself around her and we watch the red golden flames filling the sky as the sun gives up and goes to bed.

"We should go," I sigh and reluctantly pack up. I want her alone, all to myself and have another endless 48 hours to endure before than can happen.

Twila has accepted a bottle of formula from her grandmother and is sleeping peacefully, so we slide into my old bed and cuddle up close.

"Finally, I made it into Edward Cullen's bed," Bella smiles and pulls me closer.

"You are the only girl who can say that," I grin and lean down to kiss her.

"Lucky me. Lucky lucky me," she states and we drift off to sleep.

X~x~X

School takes up a lot of my time and attention but Bella understands, even if Twila doesn't. She accepts no excuses and I am forced to walk the floor with her while her mother sleeps on obliviously over the next few months. It would seen pregnancy causes Bella to sleep way more deeply than normal so I get quality time with the wakeful baby who will soon find herself usurped by the 'little stranger' whose name is still a subject of much debate. For some reason, Bella has become fixated on calling him Edison, claiming it's the obvious choice.

"Son of Eddie," she grins.

"You call me Eddie and you sleep alone," I warn her. That's part of the reason I hate the name. In no time everyone would shorten it to Eddie and I never allowed that for myself and don't wish to spend a lifetime begging for my son to be spared that ridiculous moniker.

"Charlie has no son, we should be respectful and name the baby after him," I argue. Anything but Edison.

"Nope, you promise me to name him what I want, do you hear? I love the name Edison. End of conversation."

"What do I get as a trade off?" I ask.

"You can name the next two children in the future. No input from me. No vetoes, no arguments. I _really _like Edison, and he was a great inventor, so it's a great name. I would be proud to be named after him."

"Fine," I concede and figure that no name fights over the next two children in the future is probably worth letting her have her way this time.

The natural childbirth _Bella_ had planned and counted on proved to be impossible when baby turned out to be an immovable transfer lie. This position is tricky even with a c section but impossible vaginally so I wait, gowned up, as she is slightly sedated, given an epidural and the show begins. It's all over so quickly, it seems almost a let down. No pushing, no sweating, no hours of slow progress, just a few cuts and a red screaming baby hits the air.

"It's a boy," my father announces and hands my son to me.

I shake my head and apologize as the nurse takes him to clean and weigh.

"What were you saying sorry for?" she asks.

"His mother made me promise to name him after Edison," I reply. "I just hate the name."

"Thomas?" she says, surprised. "I have always liked it, you can call him Tom or Tommy."

"Oh, right, great idea," I answer and reach for the forms and write in my son's full names.

THOMAS EDISON CULLEN.

_Bella _is in her bed in her private room when I get to push the perspex bassinet to her bedside.

"Wait, Thomas? Who said anything about Thomas?"

"You did. You made me promise to name him after Thomas Edison, so I did. What's the problem?" I ask with faked confusion.

"Edward Cullen, I suspect I have just been outplayed, just you wait," she says with a sigh.

"He looks like a 'Tom', don't you think?" I ask hopefully.

"I can still call him Edison and ignore his first name," she threatens.

Esme comes to the rescue, bringing Twila in to meet her brother.

"This is Edison," Bell_a_ says and our daughter grins and smacks a hand toward the infant.

"She'll be three before she can say it. Twila, say 'Tom'," I encourage.

"Tom," she grins and I high five her. "See, even his sister prefers Tom."

"I can't wait until we have the next two, I am giving them such amazing nicknames you will cringe when you have to call them," she says. "Maybe Fifi Trixibelle and Ironman. Huh, how will you like that, Cullen?"

"I would be proud to walk around the playground calling to Fifi. Of course, a lot of poodles and cats love that name already, so it must be good."

My world feels complete already. Balanced, even, back on it's axis. And quite perfect.

We have our nephew just a few months older than Tom, we have our future nieces and nephews to look forward to, and our own other two babies.

Tom has Bell_a_'s brown hair but it's as impossible as my own, just spiking up in random directions. He has already caught his fingers in it once. _Bella_ is convinced he already has the Cullen hair pull in progress.

His eyes are hazel but Bell_a_ is still counting on them turning green. Time will tell.

I overhear her telling Alice she plans on adding copper highlights to Tom's hair if they don't appear naturally and I growl at the two of them.

"He's a boy, not a Barbie doll. Leave him alone."

I am glad the Swan genes are so strong. Twila still has skin paler than any of us, and that will always mask her true parentage so I say good on you, Swan genes, keep dominating our children all their lives. I never want anyone to wonder. She is my daughter and nothing will ever change that. She feels like she is as much mine as Tom is, and I for one are completely happy and relieved, I was afraid I may feel more for him seeing his is 'my own' but obviously, she is too.

Life is good.

No, actually life is just perfect.

TH END


End file.
